Thanks for posting Mona52. I value your opinion highly. I don't know if you have ever seen the movie The Holiday with Jack Black and Kate Winslet. But in the movie Eli Wallach and Kate Winslet's characters have a conversation about women with gumption. You are I woman with gumption. I would never do the description of the word justice , but the scene's appeal to me as a description of women with great "spunk". I hope that word translates appropriately across countries. Otherwise I have likely offended someone. Oooopppss!
Anyway moving on....
Originally Posted By: Mona52
((((JellyB))))
It feels like so many long-held beliefs are starting to crumble. Recently I broke free (a tiny bit) of my own 'beliefs'. Weight was one of them. If I look in a mirror, I can see parts I adore, but then there are parts i truly hate. I look at my belly and i cringe and hide from the mirror. But, there are parts I think are divine.
Mona I am pleased to hear that you have more of handle on this weight issue and are becoming more confident in your own skin. I hope to be able to say the same one day
But I am not my weight. My belly is simply my belly. If I dont like it, I can change it any time I want. It might be hard, but my weight is not a permanent thing. I used to think I was fat and ugly. It was then I had real problems. Because fat is fixable. Ugly is forever if you believe it is true. You cant go to the gym and sweat out ugly.
I don't share this view Mona. My body will not do as it told. My body does not respond to what the normal advice and practices that most people's respond to. My weight story is complex. It is not a mere response of managing calories in and out of doing exercise everyday. I have since age 10 years been on a diet, or controlled eating, or starvation or over training. I have damaged my system. I have been obsessed and working with my weight for a lifetime.
You thought fat and sad. The good news is sad is not forever either. You can get instantly happy by watching a funny movie. You can lose a pound this week by working on diet and exercise. So the 2 things you do not want to feel and believe anymore are so easily fixable
This is a far truer statement for me. I do feel far more able managing my sadness and mood than I do my weight. I can see results from the efforts and strategies I use to manage my mood. Not so much my weight. I feel in a constant battle with my mind and body about letting weight go. We argue and abuse each other, myself and my body around this issue
I have very very strong doubts that if you lost weight, you would magically find happiness. But if that is what you believe right now, then we can help you get happy.
If I am completely honest Mona I don't believe so either. I really did think I would be happy at a size 16. And potentially there is a case for that. I find curves on woman extremely sexy. One of the things I struggle with is the excess skin I have from losing weight so fast with my weight loss surgery. I agree that lots of men do not have issue with a woman's curves. I can say that the men I have I spoken to do struggle with sag and droop
The truth is, you are already beautiful.
Thank you for this compliment - it is hard to hear
One thing I see over and over again in your posts is you apologizing for posting, or apologizing for feeling like x, or apologizing for thinking a certain way. You have said repeatedly that your problems are so small compared to other people's problems.
This is what I think you need to stop and really look at. No one else in the entire world is going to put your problems over theirs. That is why is it critical that you learn how to place your problems first in your mind. I went through 12 years of catholic school, so I know what I just said sounds just WRONG. The nuns never once told me it was OK to do this. It is not wrong. Just try it with one tiny thing. Grab one of your issues and tell yourself that this issue is more important then my issue. Its OK, I wont get mad. Post it on here or on my thread.
Mona you would think that I would be able to do this, and I am going to say something that my clients say to me "I can't" and then I say "so you are choosing not to"...Lol I don't believe it, I don't believe that my experience is more valuable or important than anyone else's. Maybe the key for me is learning that my experience is not any less valuable or important
It is a silly stupid baby step, but it is extremely hard to do. You CAN put yourself first. You CAN take care of yourself. You are doing nothing wrong by caring for YOU.
Mona I have this conversation at least twice per week with the woman I work with. You would think I would know how. My therapist says that because I was never shown that my needs were a priority as a child, I have no road map or sense of entitlement to be taken care of, most importantly I don't know how to do it for myself. Mona its a work in progress
Thank you so much for your thoughts and care Mona. I really do appreciate your kindness.
