It seems pretty natural to me. One pillar of their life suddenly disappeared from their everyday existence – so they are going to make sure that doesn’t happen with the other one.
Yes, I understand that. It really does -- I guess it just sometimes takes me off guard because a lot of the time everything is so smooth and they seem like they're adjusting pretty well.
Last night was VERY ROUGH. D12 sat down to wrap Mr. Fantastic's gifts and S9 asked her to let him wrap one. Hell broke loose. It got very, very angry.
When things settled down (which, I will add, was a LOT quicker and more easily than they would have a year ago), I went in to rub D12's back and talk to her and she said for about the 5th time that she was very unhappy with this year's Christmas arrangements. It's Mr. Fantastic's turn to have the kids on Christmas morning and she is NOT OK with that. As it turns out, she also wanted him to have all those gifts because she is trying to win his affection.
He has broken her heart and he can't even see it.
I asked her if she wanted my help in planning how to talk to him about it and she said there was no point in talking to him about it because it wouldn't change anything -- she'd still have to spend Christmas morning at his house and everything else.
As an adult I know that sometimes just talking things through without any change occurring can be helpful. But I don't know how to convey that to her. She's in that funny space in childhood where she still wants what she wants, like a little kid, but she also is *just about* to get to the place where an open conversation can be healing in itself. She has had basically no say in any of the most important events of her life, so I can see her perspective. I am trying to change that dynamic for her but it's such slow going. If anyone has words of wisdom I would appreciate it.
(also, as an aside, I was talking to New Guy just a little bit about some of this and he said "Can you guide her in how to talk to her dad about that? It will be a useful skill for her when she's got boyfriends in the future..." !! I've never had that kind of interaction with a romantic interest before ever...)
It's been a very eventful week for me and I am so relieved to have a quiet weekend in front of me. And the kids have agreed to start going to church again in the new year which is a relief to me. I couldn't have gotten through the last two years without my faith and I wasn't sure how to guide them into moving in that direction without sounding like a nag in an area where you absolutely can not nag.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
