No children. The holidays are tough because I have next to no close family aside from her family who are like my own. My birthday is also in December, so everything just stinks right now.
Only an affair on her side, not on mine. I have always been faithful. Her affair was a one time thing, that she walked away from in the middle of it, because she couldn't do it. But due to her own strict rules of what is cheating when we first started dating, she is beating herself up over it.
The weight loss is for me, not for her. I feel terrible and have for a long time. I feel like it stops me from doing a lot. The weight loss and eventual P90X redo, is for me to follow up on something I failed on.
I am just bummed I had such a great day yesterday and today was so bad. I have not pursued her in any way since Monday, and really since Sunday, but I did pull one minor move of doing her a favor on Sunday.
I am thinking I need to do some charity work and get my heart working again. I was always so satisfied with charity work when I was younger and up until the early years of our dating.
Last edited by mbebos; 12/18/1512:45 AM.
Me:34 W:33 R: 15 years M: 7 years W moved out: 11/21/15 BD: 11/20/15 - ILYBINILWY, PA once LRT: 12/14/15
Woke up today feeling better. Brought it pretty hard this morning at the gym, while being careful not to over-exert myself.
The wife texted me last night asking if I was working from home today. I said no, and I thought her dad was asking to see if I could cover some home care stuff for him so he can go to work early. She said no she was asking. It is so hard for me to not think the worst. I am trying to think that maybe she has today off and wants to see our cats that she hasn't seen in 3 weeks, get some laundry and personal items, etc. The other part of my mind thinks she moving all of her stuff out. I am having a hard time with these thoughts in my head.
Me:34 W:33 R: 15 years M: 7 years W moved out: 11/21/15 BD: 11/20/15 - ILYBINILWY, PA once LRT: 12/14/15
Side note: I am meeting with her on Saturday to give her grandfather his birthday gift. Should I ask her to lunch or am I supposed to wait until she asks me? I would of course keep it light, fun, upbeat, and no talk of the relationship or marriage.
My therapist here at work, who set me up with an outside individual therapist wanted me to setup a regular scheduled meeting with her, such as lunch, dinner, or a walk so we can keep in contact. I am worried that this could be flying in the face of what I am trying to accomplish.
Me:34 W:33 R: 15 years M: 7 years W moved out: 11/21/15 BD: 11/20/15 - ILYBINILWY, PA once LRT: 12/14/15
No, do not initiate inviting her anywhere. She needs to thoroughly get over this OM, before working on a R with you. Util then, having lunch or other get-togethers are useless.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
To piggy-back on what Sandi said...as a man, I can tell you that you will feel much better when you are not so keyed in on her every word and deed, not trying to squeeze whatever hope you can from what she does.
Yesterday was pretty rough. Spent time with a friend I haven't seen in awhile. She is pro marriage reconciliation biased, but she does not know of the infidelity. Her stance is if there is no infidelity it can be fixed. I am worried when she sees my W she may say the same thing. She is a mutual friend. Should I tell her not to say that to the W? It is very close to my W's standards that she set and failed and I don't want it getting worse with her guilt if mutual friend says what are you worried about there was no infidelity.
Spent last night with my SIL husband, went bowling. I've never broken 100 in a frame and I broke 100 all 3 frames, and the high was a 121. I was pumped but still feeling low. Slept well, woke up before the alarm at 5am. Feeling ok this morning. Put away laundry, fed the kitties, ironed my jeans, and heading out to the supermarket soon and then the Chiropractor. 10:00 or so I head over to see the W for the grandfather's birthday gift. I'll update later.
Me:34 W:33 R: 15 years M: 7 years W moved out: 11/21/15 BD: 11/20/15 - ILYBINILWY, PA once LRT: 12/14/15
Just got back from the grandfather gift giving. It went really well, she was tense at first, I could tell she wanted to get it over with, but my attitude affected hers. I went in AS IF it was going to go well, and it did. She turned her body language towards me, relaxed, and we had a nice conversation about her work, and responsibilities for the rest of the year. She asked if I would want to come to the house with the family Christmas eve, and I accepted. She went to her phone a few times during the conversation, but when I didn't do the same, she came right back. Her eyes looked so bright and alive for the first time in a long time.
I didn't pursue, I kept it cool, laughed with her and her parents, and before things got stale, I stood up, said good bye to the in laws, and she hugged me for a good long while, and I left. It was a soft meaningful hug, not a cold mandatory hug, and I now know the difference. We talked briefly about our therapy plans (individual), and overall a good hour.
She is opening up to her mom in tiny little tidbits, but I haven't spoken to her mom about it , because I don't want to cause an issue where she thinks her mom is on my side. She did say that before we can work on us, she needs to work on herself, after the first of the year.
Today is now a good day from a bad start.
Me:34 W:33 R: 15 years M: 7 years W moved out: 11/21/15 BD: 11/20/15 - ILYBINILWY, PA once LRT: 12/14/15
Should I tell her not to say that to the W? It is very close to my W's standards that she set and failed and I don't want it getting worse with her guilt if mutual friend says what are you worried about there was no infidelity.
You probably want to protect her, however, you need to step away and let friends and family say whatever they want to say to her. She needs to deal with it, without you trying to shield or control who says what to her.
I don't remember any LBH who first arrived here who came anywhere close to guessing what the WW was thinking, feeling, or doing. Even those who were M a long time had no clue, b/c she has a different mindset. You will be astonished to learn just how cold and self-centered a WW can be. When you read about other WW's, you may think that your W is different from them. She's not. In time, you will see where she had just concealed the truth from you. I think after Christmas is over, you will see things shift.
We tell the LBH'S to focus on themselves, b/c they can not control the WW.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Having a really bad day today. Went to church for the first time in a long time, felt pretty good after. I was at a friend's house watching movies having a great time, and a guest of theirs was so loud and over the top annoying, it gave me an anxiety attack. She made everyone in the room uncomfortable and angry. Completely being a jerk. I went from enjoying myself to thinking about my issues and on the way home, I had to drive by my in laws on the route, and they are there all enjoying Sunday dinner. I knew thid was happening today, but when I saw the cars, I had an all out panic attack. I am so emotional right now. I am having such a hard time today. Gave myself a migraine from crying.
All of the friends that were there earlier, are coming over shortly to my place, to move on to the next star wars movie. Here's to turning this day back around.
Me:34 W:33 R: 15 years M: 7 years W moved out: 11/21/15 BD: 11/20/15 - ILYBINILWY, PA once LRT: 12/14/15
