One more thing. I have been experiencing some moments of clarity where I can see how detachment is the way forward. When I see this, it feels like freedom, expansion. I feel happy and genuinely OK with whatever happens.
However, something causes me to slip backwards and lose touch with this inspired state of mind. It never seems to last long enough to take hold. I'm not sure why, and this has been really frustrating. It's like some unconscious part of me is still attached and I keep getting hooked and pulled back in to needing to control the outcome. Then I feel empty, depressed, exhausted.
JGuy, you and I are two peas in a pod! Same exact thing happening. W is NC with OM, going through withdrawls. She is the non-emotional one; I am. I did detach a bit in the first month, did well, wife started to come around, still in the fog, I got my hopes up, dove into the pool, not realizing it was very shallow right now, and got hurt.
I'm doing the 'two steps forward, two steps back' dance. Trying to control the situation. Then letting go, and taking a couple steps forward. Then, getting lonely, getting anxious, losing sleep, and then crap comes out of my mouth, and then my foot gets jammed in there. Ugh.
Feeling like I'm detached today. I credit Sandi and TL2 for the '2x4 across the face' technique.
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
