Pink's journey - living with pain

[rd500]

Hi Anjo. That's a lot of anger. I understand it completely but maybe you could look at it a bit differently than from the anger side

XH KNOWS Pink will take care of the kids because he' KNOWS Pink is a fantastic mum. It that fair ? No

XH seemed to give you what you needed in D and that seems a little unusual on here

XH may seem to have a life but it certainly does not seem to be a good one. Looking from the outside , anything can seem good but from his actions he is not enjoying his life

If he is laughing or not , we don't know so please don't torture yourself about that one It doesn't matter

I'm going to sound like a broken record but reading between the lines of your post you are very hurt and lashing out That's not a good place to be and I wish I could be there and talk with you about our past adventures and take your mind off all this cr@p.

You have a fantastic personality and I have no doubt you will be truly happy again

Your boys are so lucky to have such a person in their lives and scab day your their mum is a blessing for them. Your their rock and all you do for them will be repaid by the universe.

Stay strong and know how valuable you are in this world. Just because XH is deep in MLC doesn't change that

ficar forte diabinho , esta dor vai passar e você estará completo novamente

Take care. Rd. xx

[Pink17]

My sweetheart RD... I really don't know where I would be without your kind words, your attention and so much caring.

Why life put us so far away? It would be so nice to sit down and have that cold beer over our disgraces and adventures. That's I have no doubt.

I am still thinking that a visit to Ireland could be a very good vacation plan for me. Right now it is also cold there and to run on those bikes to the top of the mountain, it's a little to dangerous and I need to come back in one piece.

Yes I am angry. S15 had dinner with XH Monday night and then got home and asked me to go to two stores to get some school project materials. I was in my PJ's already, doing some paperwork.

I looked at him and asked why he didn't ask his dad instead since they were out and about. He said that he can go out for dinner and nothing more. That he does not want his dad in his life any other way.

He said: "You know I pick on you all the time, but for me you are my mom and dad my whole life. I never had a dad and I know I won't ever have one. We are stuck with you and you with us and that is our family and will always be, and I am OK with that."

I know I need to get rid of all these bad feelings and eventually this also will pass with time. But it cuts my heart in a million pieces that this insensitive, son of a gun is just so out of touch.

I decided to read some of the old stories on the board and just have that to my heart, to comfort me that it doesn't happen only for my family, but that other people survived all this.

I need to cleanse my soul and my brain because I still feel the urge to punch XH right in the middle of his face. If possible even brake his nose, so he would wake up and taste some coffee.

Well, I have a lot of work and need to concentrate as much as possible to get it done. I think that the XMas brake without XH around will be a brake we all need.

RD, thanks for the Portuguese words, you are getting this very fast. By the way, what is S20 major in college. S17 was accepted for the music program. As I told before, he is gifted for writing and making music. I just love his songs.

By the way, I did not have much time to investigate on you further. The place you work seems like paradise, the view I saw online is so green and gorgeous. Really nice place. Colorado is not bad either. These mountains are amazing. I would rather have more water around, but can't deny that this place is amazing.

We just had a snow storm, wake up Tuesday morning to a two feet of snow in my driveway, gosh, that was a lot of work to clean up that snow. Thank God for the boys. Had a better driving today, yesterday it was all snow and ice.

It's was around 3am my time (now it is almost 10am) that I was sitting in bed, paying some bills and thinking about you. Crazy hum. But I have comfort thinking about you, maybe because we have some sort of same situation in a way, with crazy spouses and a bunch of kids. Our lives are similar in a way.

And I am sorry we are in this confusion, I am sorry you found me here to maybe complicate things in our heads and hearts. Maybe that is the reason we are so many miles apart or we would certainly take the wrong decisions at the wrong time for the wrong reasons. At least like this, time is the one to decide our lives. What do you think?

By the way, I always remember that you mention you think the neighbors are dropping dirty laundry at your house. Now that is winter, my laundry room is a non stop deal.

If nothing else, be sure that I will be forever your best friend. As a matter of fact, I never had a guy super best friend. You are the first.

Love and hugs to you and to the kiddos.

Eu sei que eu sou forte, eu sei que eu nao quebro com facilidade. Eu estou machucada, ferida e meu lado mais selvage se protégé e se rebela.
A vida me bateu de frente varias vezes, eu ja cai e sempre me levantei mais forte. Eu passo um periodo de desilusao e frustracao, mas o tempo cura as feridas e eu me levanto forte novamente.
Isto tudo que eu estou passando eh so para eu ter certeza de que nao vou morrer vazia, de que tive uma vida cheia de aventuras.

Te quero com todo meu curacao e te admiro por ser forte tambem.

Beijos da Cira
Pink

[Sotto]

Hi Pink, it's good to feel some anger and good to feverishly type some of your feelings out here on the forum to release them. Also, punch some pillows or smash a few bottles in the bottle bank. The more we can release, the better we can move forward I think.

In your recent posts, you have said that you still love XH, and also that you hate him and feel like punching him in the face. I think that's completely normal and understandable, given all that has happened. I feel the same way - sometimes tender, sometimes full of pain, some anger. Sometimes I feel I have lost so much respect. But then I also remember the features of MLC and how painful it is.

I think in all of this, it is best to accept your feelings are still pretty volatile and you needn't be led by them either way. If you follow your angry feelings, you might close the door completely, and if you follow your feelings of tenderness, your XH might be staying overnight again. Fact is, you don't need to make any decisions about anything in relation to him just now. You can just live your life.

Maybe the best thing to do is follow your love and respect for yourself, and what will be will unfold in time.

Thanks so much for your kind posts on my thread. It is good to know you are looking out for me. I feel blessed to have a lovely Brazilian friend over the pond, and an Irish buddy too, and many more caring folk who take the time to read and post.

Enjoy the snow. It is mild over here and I'd love to have a cold snap xx

[Pink17]

Hi RD,

I found out that I do not need a Visa to travel as tourist to Ireland.

Pink

[JksD]

Hi Pink, have been catching up but have no advice. Just want you to know that I am rooting for you.

((( Pink )))

[rd500]

Hi Pink. I had a big smile when I read about the Visa !!!!!!! My S20 is studying microbiology but has taken a year off after bad results

I'm glad you looked up the hospital on the web Did you see my warehouses ?

I've read Sottos post and I think it really hits the nail on the head. The MLC of your H is incredibly hard to deal with and while your not in limbo on the legal side , it does seem that your are in limbo re your feelings

I think the only thing you can do is to stick to your boundaries and wait until your heart truly decides what it wants

I still believe that your H will emerge from the fog one day


tomar cuidado anjo

[Vanilla]

Pink

I have stayed silent

Here is what I see

1. TauC (OW1) has moved on, kept XWH dangling during October, November and lost interest
2. TauC has better prospects than your XWH probably in Iceland or NZ or even en her own H
3. However she would if needs be dangle again
4. XWH feels guilty and lost
5. XWH is a mess at work, may lose job as has lost focus, direction and is distracted, employers don't like it
6. Is D
7. His XW has stopped enabling and he no longer lives at home

---------------------------------

He is lost cira, until he says Pink, I want you not TauC, however XWH wants TauC and hangs on to his addiction to TauC

I will no longer lie to you Pink says xWH, that's not the position if TauC came back then xWH would go I am with TauC

There will be no OW2 or OW3 until TauC is out of his system

Then my thoughts are let him get reality.

It bites eventually

At some stage XWH will find a gf. This is different to an OW.

If you want XWH in your life then it's catching the right moment when you both can repair your R.

V

[Pink17]

RD, I think I am not a good investigator, because I couldn't find the warehouse. Tried and I think I have traveled the whole Island but did not find you.

I saw little fingers, pubs, car crash repair, houses, that crazy Peamount hospital, lots of tress, gorgeous place, window blinds, water plant, etc.

But, I am not someone that just drop it and forget it, I will try my best the next few days. I have an Irish friend that we will get together in a day or so and she will help me with that. This is an Irish family that is here for a few years already, but they go back sometimes to visit their family there.

Their boys grow up with mine, went to school together. They are adorable.

I will also try your expert in clues, decodes, hints and so. Who knows, maybe we can have some kind of "The Force" connection like in Star Wars and we can get the clues.

I printed the whole visa explanation, printed hotels in Ireland, checked on ticket prices and different routes going out of Colorado, printed also the "Things to do and see in Ireland". S15 said that XWH saw it. I asked how did he see it and S15 said that he checked on the papers I left on the table and the info was under my mail.

Really? I am thinking that the boundaries issues are more serious then I thought. I am seriously thinking that it is time that XWH stays outside the house when he comes to pick up the kids. I don't want to keep being careful around my own house.

Hope you are having an awesome holiday. Need to run now, have some chores outside, will write about the XMas stuff later.

XOXO
Pink

[rd500]

Hi Anjo. your detective skills need some work. My post that made you laugh had a huge clue to my contact details but I will say no more


Pink. Your XH still loves you and I can understand why he is concerned that you may visit Ireland and find true love with a stranger flound on line !!!!!!!

Yes we will spend a magical week together and be like two teenagers finding love for the first time, yes we will spend the days laugh and enjoying each other's stories and the evenings will be spent over dinner and drinks learning our stories and I have no doubt the nights will be spent dancing and talking and whatever !!!!!

But will we be happy ??????? YES, YES a thousand times YES

it's great to dream Anjo and I love reading your posts. You make me very happy and make me feel very lucky that I have a friend like you

It's an escape for us both and I will meet you one day. You are my Anjo I. more ways than you know Thank you

você tem ajudado a minha todos os dias e eu faço thi k de você , muitas vezes , vamos passar algum tempo juntos e vamos ter grandes momentos . Você é muito specail e muito importante para mim um pouco diabo misturado com um anjo bonito

Take care Cira. John. Xx

[Sotto]

Well Pink - the best thing I can suggest is Google is a great tool. Got to go now - I'm running out of storage in my flat...and think I'm gonna have to have to hire a freight truck to get the mass of Xmas presents and food over to my parents later.

Have a good Xmas Eve all.....xx