Thought of another question. When detaching and getting a life and presenting yourself at your best to the WAS, how does having talks about her infidelity, about our relationship and digging to the root of our problems play out, if in those moments I am emotional? We have only spoken twice since the bomb and that was 3 weeks ago, and it was super emotionally charged where I do not think we said much of anything constructive.
I am a former WW, and I can tell you that trying to help things by talking to her about her infidelity, or even how the relationship got to this place, will only make matters worse. It is hard for the LBH to not talk about the problems, however, she will twist things and blame you for everything. Even if you take responsibility for everything......it will not fix what's wrong with her. She is not just a WAW; she is wayward. There will be very little resemblance of the girl you M, while she is wayward.
Until she can respect you as a man, she will not respect you as her H. If she doesn't respect you, she cannot experience those loving feelings for you. She will not feel attraction for you, even if you lose down to 180 lbs. This is how women are wired.
Almost everything you want to do to persuade her to change her mind and stay in the M, will feel like pressure to her. The best thing you can do is back off and leave her alone.
Since there have been A's on both side, there will be a need for therapy...once she is willing to commit to the MR. Right now, she's not ready and MC doesn't work if the WW doesn't want the M.
Most newcomers feel that their situation is different from the others on the board. However, if you read other threads, you'll see that there is a lot of similarity.
It is especially difficult during Christmas holidays. Do you have children?
Post every day, as much as you want. Don't get discouraged if you aren't getting as many replies as you want. It is a busy time.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
