in house S (5)

[vise82]

Hey Fogg,

About the gifts, Normally W and I would get them gifts. Normally We would get them gifts from the kids. W has told me she and her brother are going together to get her parents a gift. Normally It would be me and W and her brother going together on a gift. She told me this in a round about way asking about a tv she was looking at getting. She did not offer me to go in on the gift and I did not offer.

I was not sure about asking about gift for them so I just decided that I was on my own. Gift giving is not easy for me. Spending money on gifts is difficult for me. This would be a 180 for me.

So how will it look when FIL and MIL get a gift from W and BIL and my name is not there.

Yes I am avoiding the discussion with my W about gifts and just going ahead and getting gift for them. I just feel like W would think I am an fool for asking about it. In the past W took care of buying all the gifts and she just put my name on the tag with hers. I think if I ask it will almost be R talk. It is almost getting to the point I should ask just to be sure.

[Fogg]

If you want to get them gifts then do it. Just avoid expecting some kind of positive reaction from any of them. You give them a gift because it's Christmas and you want too, leave the thought at that. Not because you are worried what they would think if you dont, or looking good if you do.

[vise82]

Hey,

I ended up texting W after I picked up gifts for kids that I offered to get to help out and get. She wanted to know when I got them. She texted back with a thank you for getting them. And to remind me that she has her weight loss event that night. So I picked up the kids and she calls, give me options about dinner and asks about the kids and that she shouldn't be too late as the event is near by.

So I watch a movie with the kids and put them to bed. W is not home yet. I wait a little then start to watch the movie I was going to ask if she wanted to watch. 20 min into the movie she comes home, I tell her what I am watching and she just goes back up stairs. Movie was funny and I am laughing my head off. it was good to laugh.

I go to bed and she calls me to the spare bedroom where she sleeps to talk about tomorrow, Kids have a Christmas concert and she want to meet at our house 2 hours early before it starts. Good time to ask about gifts if I wanted to. She tells me her parents will meet us at the school. I also notice she left her phone down stairs like normal, so that was a relief.

This morning I say good morning as she came down stairs. It is more comfortable with these greetings, at first I had to force myself. I say good bye to kids and W, W says good bye to me.

[sandi2]

If your in-laws are not aware you and W are separated, then they should be respected enough to be told. If they already know, then explanations about gifts should not be necessary.

[Fogg]

I also notice she left her phone down stairs like normal, so that was a relief.

Why was that a relief? I remember looking at tiny things like that and making assumptions it meant something good. So when she takes her phone with her you take it as meaning something bad. That's A ride on the Rollercoaster that will wear you down. Overall trends are good to look at not tiny things day to day.

[vise82]

Hey Sandi,

Yes Inlaws know. I meant talking to W about the gifts, who is giving what to who. Its has not been talked about between W and I. Not even sure it needs to be talked about.

[otw]

Vise
I had been contemplating the gifts or just cards for her family. She always took care of this, but now i am not sure what to do.

Her family and I are pretty close and really like each other, but i am not sure how it will come off. I really do not want W think i am smothering her or forcing my way into her life.

[vise82]

Hey Fogg,

This phone thing has little affect on me right now. I give it little weight. But it is worth mentioning. Its not putting me on a roller coaster. Her texting in front of me does get me going. I don't know who she is texting and she doesn't tell me all the time. The ding that a text sends out goes strait to my anger response that I keep to myself.

This morning she received a text at 6:00am and she read it then told me it was her brother. I didn't ask about it, she just knew it was unusual to get a text that early. Its when she says nothing about the text it bothers me. I try to block it out. Her getting texts doesn't happen much anymore now.

[vise82]

Hey OTW,

I am clueless with gifts, I figured with the S I would have to give gifts from me.

It felt funny referring about a Separation because right now it does not feel like one. It feel like a MR without sex. Before we didn't have a lot of hugs and touching ect. I just figured that's the type of couple we were. Its kind of like before BD but with better communication and togetherness. We are working better together on things. We were just so distant before BD. This is just my perception and it has been wrong in the past when I pointed the change to W. So this time I just keep it to myself. Actions not words.

OTW you must have some idea what you what to do for gifts?

[vise82]

Hey,

Yesterday I met W at home 1.5 hours before the Christmas concert of S4, We ate lunch together got ready to go. no big deal. Met her parents there and it was the first time I had seen them in months. I shied away though and didn't say much other then hello. It was more of the same, there was no new me there other than my weight loss and not wearing glasses. I didn't get up to shake hands and go out of my way to talk. I can get really quiet and I was. I know W doesn't like that about me, my awkwardness in social situations. She doesn't like to baby sit me at parties and other social events. But That is who I am right now I am a quiet guy. Something that I understand that needs work.

After the concert we split up, she goes to the gym and I go to return some gift items that I picked up the other day because they are the wrong ones. After that I decided to get my hair cut. Now the normal barber women that does it got all weird and flaked off my kids appointment so I went to a new place with the kids. For my cut I just went to another place near the store I was at. As I get to this place I am hoping that I get a good looking girl to cut my hair, and that its not busy. As I walk up a mother and her boy get in the door in front of me. I was a little mad about it. but then I see who the boy get to cut his hair and I am not too mad. I scan who is left and there is a cute one and a middle of the road women left. The cute one smiles at me while I am in line. Then its my turn in line and the cute one gets up , she is cutting my hair. I Now normally I am quite but this time I work at not being quite and talk to her, the more practice you get the better at it you get. This is where I go weird, I feel like we have a connection and if I was not married... I don't know why this happens to me , I seem to have a big hole to fill in me to think that I have a connection with certain woman. I walk away and move on knowing that yes I am human and blood runs through me.

I pick up the kids and take them to the pet store for a present for the dog. I also need to talk to the dog training girl. I missed a class and need a make up. She is not there she is on break. Yes I do find her attractive and yes it is a nice benefit to choosing this GAL activity.

I go home and W has dinner ready for the family And we eat then we go watch some TV after I play with the kids. W is falling asleep on the couch as we all watch a movie. Then S4 wants to wrap the dog toys just before bed, so I help him then W comes in and asks if its OK to get visit with the gay neighbor for a glass of wine.

I was shocked and the fist thing that comes into my head is let her do what she wants. so I just say OK. Then I say I thought you stopped talking to him? She replies that he stopped drinking wine to loose weight that's why she hasn't seen him. She leaves and I get furious but managed to calm myself down.

Then I see she left her I pad home, I snoop and see their conversations, what was there was not every day contact maybe once every three days, but still I thought she stopped talking to him. I see he was inviting her over for wine in the past couple of weeks and she turned him down. Why bid she say yes last night? I thought maybe because how I was so quite with her parents?

She came back 20 mins later. After that I thought I not messing around with the gift questions, I go and ask her flat out what is happening with the gifts. Better communication. Ok so she says that yes she was putting gifts on the list for me to pay that she was giving to her family but she was going to put my name on them. So I asked are we giving gifts together or separate? she asked what I wanted to do, I asked her what she wanted , she left it up to me. So I said I was ok putting my name on the gifts with hers. If am paying for part of the gift my name should go on them. (not the best reason to give) Then I told her I bought gifts for her family. She was shocked and said why you never bought me gifts why would you buy them gifts. I said because I wasn't sure what we were doing for gifts so I just bought them gifts. She tells me that I could have just asked. I mentioned how she asked me about a TV she and her brother were going together on to buy for her parents and that leaves me out. She said that yes she said that but she meant herself and me and her brother and his fiancée.

Then I asked about gifts for each other. She said why would we start now, you never bought me a gift before. That's rewriting history as with a little more talk the way it was comes out. After kids came we gave gifts to each other but it was from the kids. We decided to do this to save money. She agreed to this but clearly she is unhappy about it. So I said the kids are older now the gift are from the kids now, lets get each other gifts. She was hesitant about it and said we didn't need to get each other gifts. Then I said well I might be getting you a gift, We can figure it out more when we wrap them and left the room. Then watched TV in a different room.

This morning She is up and we say good morning to each other. I get this feeling like its Friday and I want to ask her if she wants to watch a movie after the kids go to bed. I don't ask. We talk normal stuff and I leave for work like normal and she says good bye.

She texts me at work right away, saying S7 is feeling ok he was just tired, so I reply that good and ask about watching a movie.

She replies maybe, I reply ok maybe we can rent one or find on tv.