Just journaling to clarify my own thoughts. Picking up on some questions KAW raised about a month ago, and I was in no shape to deal with then
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Since the EA/PA is a symptom of the what H felt was causing a rift between the two of you, has he ever mention what he felt was pulling the two apart or at least are troubling him? Are these part of the splendid list of goals you posted?

Alas, they are not part of my goals for the simple reason that to this day, H maintains that the A was just for pleasure, that there was/is nothing wrong with our R However, by getting him to open up about his interactions with OW, my deduction is that OW made him feel valued, loved (H often says she is 'besotted' with him) and young - she is light.
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Its great the your H vows he will never leave, but has he expressed a desire to work at M to try to make it better?

Well, at the most intense moments of A, H told OW that he was going to chuck his job in, and spend 6 months taking me away to work on our M - later he decided against this as the A cooled down, and he feels that he and I are working through our M ok. aarrgghh. I do think we have much work to do, and perhaps he is right in that going away to work on it would be too much pressure. But I just wish he did not keep repeating that everything is ok between us. Admittedly 95% of the time we are ok, but this damned continuing relationship is really frustrating.

In a strange way, I shall always be grateful for this 'crisis' as it has forced me out of my lazy attitude to life, has forced me to grow emotionally and yes, spiritually too. But you won't catch me confessing this to H

Any thoughts on how I can get H to help us both confront our demons? It's not quite dbing, to examine the whys, but I do feel that his continued denial is holding up us moving on to a better place. Thanks everyone, for caring. Slowly

A Liberal Allowance of Time