Hi KAW, I'm so happy to see you back Yes, since posting here for just over a month, I seem to finally get it about patience, and taking baby steps - certainly less fretful than I used to be

Hi Mooka - I'm glad my gyrations have been helpful.

Hi Zinta - Good to see you here too.

Well, H and I have had a mixed weekend, lots of fun with friends, but also the undercurrent of his continued contact with OW. For now, I'm happy to let things ride as there seems to be work to be done on ME Just to help me keep things in one place, here is my post from Friends Season 2
Quote:

It's Saturday afternoon here in sunny England, and I feel strong enough to tackle Meredith's steps. The discussion on crazymaking has been wonderful, but 12 years with the nuns (went to Catholic school) has nurtured an over developed sense of responsibility, and love for homework


Step 1: Acknowledge the addiction!
My name is Slowly, and I am a crazymaker

Step 2: Identify when you crazymake and why
I caught myself first at work, where in order to prove how valuable I was to the organisation, I'd let things develop into a crisis, then bust a gut to fix the sitch. In the past week, I've come to the realisation that to provoke any reaction from my passive/aggressive H, I've been crazymaking for YEARS, but more so since he confessed to a PA

Step 3: Accepting your behaviors (and your spouse's return behaviors) for what they ARE and not what they SEEM.
Hmmm, tough one. Am I so lacking in self esteem that I need the manufactured sitch to create validation? Ugh. At home, mostly my crazymaking provokes NO response from H, which then triggers a nasty cycle of attention seeking, and him feeling cornered. BAD, BAD, BAD

Step 4: Discover ways to achieve your crazymaking goals without crazymaking
Things at work are sorted. I stopped this crisis-creation a couple of years ago, confident that my contributions are accepted without me having to re-establish them every day At home, my self confidence is frankly at an all time low, so I need to exert extraordinary energies to not seek validation. sigh.

Step 5: Maintaining your own happiness in a state of rough or calm independently
Working on this. Have come a long way in the past 6 weeks, but still very much work-in-progress

Feedback welcome, folks. Slowly



Karen812 asked some questions that makes me think I need to look deeper.
Quote:

Slowly, why the low self-esteem at home? You may have been over this before, so forgive me, but what can you do to make yourself feel better? Sometimes for me if something is bothering me about the house ie huge attacking dust bunnies on the wood floors, it helps just to tackle the job. Are things weighing on you? I'm glad you are doing better at your job!! How do you corner your h?



And so I will. Later. It's Sunday, I'm going visiting cyber friends for now. Plenty of time to get serious later Slowly

A Liberal Allowance of Time