Hi Sweet GG, indeed it is hard with kids. I still don't get why XWH does what he does, but maybe I just need to let go.
Got another text today:
"Cira, I owe you another apology because I did not think you would be coming for S15's free block...I should have let you know that I would get them and take to lunch. I am truly very sorry"
I just replied: "K. Txs.
The kids told me that they spoke in the morning and he told them do not worry that he would text me with their plans.
Maybe it is just what happen, nothing with any meaning or any intention behind it. The part I do not like about it is that every day I get a text of some kind.
It is a constant reminder that he is around. That he sees the same way, I don't know, probably not. That it is intentional so I will maybe call him to complain about it, I don't know.
Sometimes if I talk to him it seems like it bother him that I just ignore him. Why? I don't know.
He is the one that want the D and to tell the truth he seems moving on very well from the outside. He is enjoying life, going to the mountains to do his snowboarding, have some vacations planned with cousins in january, the OW is probably coming for the sales meeting in january too. Have his XMas vacations spending a week in his parents house in Virginia.
He is having a life. If he has a place to live or not, I guess it is not important because Pink needs to accommodate the situation with the kids. He just say that he does not have a place and he can't have his sons overnight ever.
It's all on me, 24/7 and he uses the fact that I love my kids and don't want to make a big deal about this and hurt my kids's feelings.
In the end, he is the one that gets away with whatever he wants to do as usual, as it was during our M as well. And TBH, this is why we got to the D.
He is selfish. XWH always tough about himself first. He does not put himself in anyone shoes. It's about him and only him.
I just got a letter from CU Boulder University saying that S17 has been accepted. XWH does not know, never asks anything about.
I take S17 to drive around so he can practice and be a good driver...XWH never took him for a drive, never. Does not even ask anything about it.
XWH did not talk about XMas gifts, I mention something about getting our gift together so the big kids get a better present since their gadgets are a bit expensive. He said yes and did not do anything about it.
Nothing, absolutely nothing. But he has his vacations all lined up, all organized and scheduled. So I feel like picking lately. I guess with the whole D process, I was in such a shock mode that I forgot who this man really is.
A selfish person, with no desire to love anyone besides himself. My IC was right, he said that for the things I told him, he could understand that my XWH was borderline narcissist and even if I would lose my voice explaining somethings to him, he would never see the same way. He just don't get what is to be humble, passionate, what is giving with your pure heart, have empathy and sympathy.
I am not angry with him, I am not going after him to tell him he is wrong or what he needs to do. I am actually very disgusted about his attitude.
He thinks that taking the kids to a restaurant and feeding them is to be a father. He thinks that taking them to a movie is spending quality time with them.
I am so sorry I gave my children such a father. A man with flaw personality and a weak behavior. What a shame.
I am not sure, but during the D court session, he asked the court to give him 6 months for him to arrange a place and so he could have his kids overnight on his days. I am still thinking that when it comes on february 5th, I will take him back to court and complain about him being irresponsible.
The whole child support was calculated for a 5 nights with the mother and 2 nights with the father. It's designed so both parents can have a life.
Why do I need to be understanding that he does not have the money to afford a place on his own because he pays me big money? I do not. Is not that said that his life and whatever he does is none of my business?
So what? It's none of my business and I really did not want to get to this point that I do not care anymore about him. I guess a person has it's limits and after seeing all what he is doing, I do not care at all if he can or can't.
It's about the law, it's about responsibilities and he is not my H at all. He is just a guy in the street.
He had me as an idiot this whole time, he stepped on me, played with my feelings, treated my family with enormous disrespect, probably laughed at me for being a coward, a loser. He did it all and took the best of me, now he is left with my bad side, and it is not pretty. I am a person that will try my best until the day I don't give a damn anymore and right now that what it feels like. I do not care.
So GG, no more manipulations, big distance and NC, if possible at all. The M is gone and done for good, so what do I care about this whole circus.
I am becoming again a woman I like, the one nobody will play with. I was never afraid of anything in life, suddenly he pulled the rug from under my feet and I fell to the ground thinking that my world had ended. Well, this jerk won't see me destroyed.
After so much childish from his part, I find it better to be on my own.
Thanks to this board and all my friends I have here that actually make more sense in life, I have the strength to stand up and rebuild my life again.
