Wayward Wife, my addiction, advice needed

[trumpet]

Had a very good session with IC. Porn addiction is still under control, but I did mention that not having that 'fallback' meant that my urge to be with my wife was high, and that she just isn't ready to move forward with the marriage reconstruction. He agreed that I'm probably ahead of her, and that we both might be 'dancing', but at different speeds, and I need to back off.

I let her know tonight that I'm working on being patient, and that I would be here for her, and that I'm not leaving. The IC thought that would help her relax and be able to possibly see that I'm not leaving, since her guilt is probably very high over the EA.

Now - I thought she would say 'thanks', maybe a little more, but what really happened got me upset - she just clammed up, got very quiet, and left the room. I did ask a couple minutes later if she wanted to talk, and if she still wanted to do our nightly devotions we've been doing. Nope - don't want to talk, and no devotion time.

She just doesn't want to work on the relationship. I did ask for a committment to at least keeping the M on a forward trajectory. She won't, and got upset, shut the bathroom door, and locked it.

I'm SOOO confused and hurt right now. I told her a few times tonight that I'm still working on being patient, and that it's going to take time to put the M back together. I'm getting absolutely NOTHING from her except that we need to try to 'start to be friends', and that she will only still take this a day at a time.

So, my best efforts continue to backfire.

The IC said he doesn't want me to 'pull away, and hide in the basement' like I've been doing, but that's exactly where I'm at again, and lonely, depressed, and feeling like this just isn't going to work out.

I have developed tendonitis is my right achilles, so no more walking/running/working out for a few days... another big bummer. Work right now (I'm in sales) is about as slow a December in 10 years, so another part of my life weighing down on me.

When a Wayward Wife is seemingly coming back, want to 'go on a date' - her words, and after that not working, almost seems like she wants to throw in the towel, it's back to square one yet again. It feels like I'm playing chutes and ladders, and hitting the big slide every time.