Striving to keep the peace within

[mleigh4]

Hi Bright, just saw your post. Well, there is no OW that I KNOW of. I mostly believe there is not one, but of course I wonder. I am not sure if it makes it any easier. That would mean he left us.....for what? Either way, he still:

Had an all night text fest with my so called female friend--which when caught brought out BD.
He lied about his whereabouts many times
He hid things from me
He hid his phone around me
He physically rejected me
He left me

Does it matter if for OW or not? I don't know, but I do know I am deeply hurt. I have a thick wall around me, I am not sure if I can let him in. I am working on figuring that out. 100% honesty -- I believe at this point if things do not work out, it will be because of me. Aside from being abandoned by my father, no one has ever hurt me so deeply. Can I get past that? I don't know.

We get along very well for the most part, and I am proud of myself for getting that far....I don't think I would say I am punishing him....I see it as making him face his choices. I rarely turn him away and wasn't going to until he said those words to me, I want to be a part of those things. What about every other moment and day that S and I face?

I would need to see some continued effort from H to know he was being genuine. Right now? Something tells me he is sitting alone in his quiet dumpy house with his Christmas tree and he just doesn't want to be left out of things we used to enjoy doing. I don't feel like his motives have anything to do with me. I don't feel even a hint of that from him. Maybe if I did, my walls would come down a bit....