Sorry you're here Nate, our situations are very similar with the drinking and emotional detachment. It sounds like you had a lot of work to do and are doing it.
Mr. Bond will hopefully keep chiming in with advice, but for now just breathe and realize that you're playing the long game. Double down on the work that you're doing on yourself; read books, listen to YT vids on relationships, communication, porn addiction, addiction in general, and anything and everything you can.
Read DR too, it will help.
Truly, sorry you're here. We're the same age with almost identical aged spouses, and I really can see so much of my own story in yours. We think we're doing the right thing by keeping your emotions to yourself, but in truth, we're not. It's dishonest to say that everything is fine when it isn't and it robs our spouses of the opportunity to experience us fully.
I get it, I know where you were coming from and did exactly the same. I went from a miscarriage to the bottle, to pot, to porn, to tv, to Facebook, to everything but being n the present moment. It's a vicious cycle of needing more and more to feel less and less. My heart goes out to you.
The more you're open to feeling the harder this is going to be, but the better it will be in the long run, so buckle up and let yourself experience all of it without numbing or dissociating in any way. Learn to live that way.
Are you doing anything on your own to keep busy, stay sober, and grow? I'll keep an eye out on your sitch, so feel free to ask lots of questions. The people here are both lifesavers, and teachers.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
