New guy

[mbebos]

No contact with OM. He cannot contact her legally.
I have lost a lot of myself over the years. I used to be motivated, goal driven, knew what I wanted, and was a happy person. Unfortunately loss and pain put me back into the way I was as a child. I was bullied, beat up, socially anxious, and went along to get along.

I let myself get further and further down the despair hole and became functional, rather than living. I became needy and all of the things I was as a kid. I am very aware of what I have became. That is all going to change. No more self depreciating humor or being walked on. Time to get healthy and happy. If she did walk all over me, I know that it was never intentional, she is too good of a person but we were both unhappy and depressed.

Today has been one of the better days since it all happened,and it was a day with time by myself, which I find empowering. Hit the gym hard, had a good day at work, and am looking forward to the new old me. After the childhood issues and before the adult ones, but with a beginners mind as an adult.