Nate, sorry you have to be here but this is the right place to be. It seems you already started to recognize some of the issues you had that led up to your M breaking down, it will be good to look deeper at those to resolve them.

I would make it a priority to find the money to get the book. I know it might be tight but the book isn't that expensive and without reading and understanding the techniques you wont know how to apply anything you read on the site. Each persons sitch is different and what works for one wont work for another. I'd point out going dark is likely a mistake for someone who pulled back in their M and was emotionally unavailable. Its just more of the same dynamics that led to the breakdown.

Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be