His 2nd MLC and I am driving the other way!

[job]

Mona,
As you are aware, I've been following your threads over on the Newcomers' Forum. I'm going to make some suggestions to you and I hope that you will try to do some 180's w/your MIA h.

1. Keep your expectations at zero. Don't rely on him for anything. Actions speak louder than words, therefore, you need to have a back up plan for anything that has to do w/your children being taken or picked up, etc. You can't rely on him right now because he's gone and like most teenagers, off in his own little world. You and the children are not his number one priorities right now.

2. I know he frustrates you to death, but you've got to stop criticizing him all of the time. He's not perfect and if he's in crisis, he certainly won't win any awards for being a great husband and father. When you criticize him or point out the error of his ways, you sound like his "mother". You aren't and you can't control anything that he's doing right now, so don't waste your breath pointing out his flaws. If anything, it will push him away even further.

3. Do not bail him out of his financial problems. "Mother" you are not. You've been fired as his wife and since this has happened, it is not your problem when it comes to his finances unless they are going to impact you or your children.

4. When he does something right or on time, tell him thank you or that you appreciate what he's done. A little kindness once in a while will go a long way. They crave validation and admiration during the crisis as they most likely didn't get any as children. Changing the way you react to his behavior would be a 180.

5. Don't take the bait. When he does something that annoys you, don't react and lash out at him. If you have to vent, come here or get a pillow and beat the stuffings out of it.

6. If he emails, texts or calls you and the conversations start to get heated, change the subject to something like the weather or the children, i.e., a neutral topic. If he continues to argue or bait you, tell him that you have to go, i.e., you have something to do, etc.

As you have been doing things for yourself, continue as you have been...but be careful when it comes to dating. You do not need a third party in the mix because if things do work out w/your h, you don't want to lead on someone you are dating and hurt them.

This isn't your first rodeo and you have the DB basics in your tool box...use them. Don't be afraid to ask questions of the forum members. Come here to vent or just to talk...the door is always open and someone is always available.