Healing at last

[Barry]

Hey Mozza / All. Good to hear from you again. Agreed with the stock market analogy, and it's one of the things that has kept me going to be honest. The downs are a lot less than they were, although the ups need an increase...one that I need to engineer. Right now, the downs are more centered around (as you righly surmise) financial concerns, a lack of quality time with the children, and a lack of any really tangible social life.
I'll expand on each one.

The financial concerns are mostly down to the debt that my WAW left me with. To cut a long story short and as a reminder, I bought her out of the house for £10k in cash (personal loan from my father), on the proviso that I took the debt of around £8k too. WAW would have got around £30k had she wanted to force the sale of the house so in the long run, I'm better off. In the short term though, it means I'm crippled with the repayments. There is no "spare" money to do any nice things either with the kids, or indeed on my own. This must be paid off by February 2017 in order for me to be able to re-mortgage my home in my own name. If they're not paid, there's a real danger of me having to sell and move. Don't get me wrong, I'm aware that virtually everybody could say that they have some sort of financial hardship. I think with having the emotional year I had this year, then looking at next year knowing that it's going to be more of the same financially isn't particularly appealing.

The lack of quality time is mainly with D16 who lives with WAW, and S14 who lives with me. Some of this is within my control, some not. D16 attends college and leads a busy life most evenings as a dancer (she's been doing it since she was 5 and although I'm biased, she really is amazing). She broke her phone, so amoungst other things, she has a new one for Christmas (a surprise). They're house is fairly close by (not too close!), but she seldom visits, and WAW has made it abundandtly clear that she doesn't want me to visit her there. So as it stands, we have little contact. I've talked to D16 about this but things aren't really changing. At least I'll be able to call her after the 25th! Honestly, it currently feels like she doesn't need me in her life any more. She's got her Mum, and that seems to be enough. Out of all of the kids, she was the one to deal with our D the best, and she's been fine with it for a long time now.

D14 is a slightly different matter in that he does live with me, but I'm really having some issues with his attitude. Yes, I'm aware he's a teenage boy, I've gone through that twice already and know how difficult things can be! I get cross with him a lot, because he doesn't pitch in or help out at all...with anything. I set him chores to do (along with S19 before his op - and he does them), and they not only NEVER get done, he actually makes such a mess and just leaves it for the maid (Dad).
I've tried so many times to sit down and talk to him about this. I don't want anyone to do my share, and I don't even mind doing more of everything...I'm the parent after all, but to not get ANY help is just not on.

S21 came home from Uni for Christmas. I had to leave work early yesterday to attend a meeting at the school about S14 (he gets into trouble a lot and is currently being reintegrated back into mainstream school). He splits his time between two schools at the moment. When I'd finished there, and been shopping, I went home to talk to S21 and S19 about S14 to see if they would help me in talking to him and trying to get him to understand that this in general is not the life I planned on, but even after revising the plan this year, and knowing I was going to live with the boys, this is not how I saw things being.

The lack of social life is really my own fault I suppose, as there is normally a cost to anything and I simply don't have it.
My earnings are not insubstantial, but my outgoings are massive currently.

When I get to Feb 2017, I should be around £500 a month better off - at which point, I can start to do more fun things, travel for example. WAW and I always planned to travel and I see no reason to change that (lol, she's not coming though!). I have a friend who's also divorced...in fact he did it twice!, who I've talked to a lot this year and he is right up for being my travelling partner. Another friend has asked me to go to Cuba on holiday. These are things for 2017 though.

2016 is looming large, and it will be a year to the day since BD on Friday. Ironically, last year it was on the night of our work's Christmas party's (seperate), and you wouldn't believe it but just purely by chance, both sets of our work colleagues have booked the same venue, same day, same time for this years festivities. I won't be attending, and I'm going to visit a friend instead. Don't get me wrong, I SHOULD go. Go and belly-laugh and show WAW that I'm ok now. But then I asked myself....is that the ONLY reason I'd be going?? Probably.

Be back later!