It definitely takes a lot of patience and hard work
He is confused and you are right , only he can fix it and it takes a lot of time Im so glad your kids seem ok and are adjusting a lot of how our kids adjust has to do with us I believe the more positive we can be, while still being authentic the better the outcome for them they need a strong role model especially now
hang in and continue to take care of yourself..it will get better soon for you
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I have been very fortunate that my sister is near and she has been a rock when I feel like I am falling apart. That being said it happens less now. My kiddos are doing ok. They know daddy is at school and needs to focus on it. I am more irked at the inlaws..they are enabling him now even though they broke him to begin with...ughhh but that is just said here. He is here almost every weekend . Is that cake eating or being his doormat? I just don't want to break him more
I have so much empathy for him. I know and can see how broken he is....but he has to fix himself
Remember that as you go along. It's very much ok to have empathy and to care about him. It's not ok to enable bad behavior toward you if it occurs. That's different than getting what you want to be sure, but it is something to watch for. It's also not ok for you to not have boundaries. To protect yourself. Don't make any boundaries out of anger, but rather consider what you need to do for you. Consider that as you walk along this path.
The entitlement that he "deserves" happiness is an indicator of the mindset. Nothing more. And his parents may or may not have broken him or be enabling him. They are imperfect like the rest of us. Regardless of what his past is, he makes his choices.
Glad he at least cares about the kids. Many don't. And that's even worse, trust me.
Hang in there.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
I don't know if its cake eating or not I think you are both in transition we don't know the outcome as hard as it is right now, you are establishing a new R I felt for me it was good during our separation, that we became friends my XH visited a lot the first few years The kids saw us get along,,it was hard on everyone at the same time, we have to focus on taking care of yourself therapy and time to heal as for his parents, I understand your anger but they are dysfunctional and probably don't have a clue whats going on forgiveness comes in time take good care..
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I am greatful he is around for the boys as much ..as he mentally capable of. I know me blaming the parents is useless but it gives me a twinge of relief. I also know I have not been easy this past year or two. After walking on eggshells for over 3 to 4 years. I became resentful. I am working to be less reactive and more calm...I am a work in progress and have much to do nut I am doing it for mr. I want my boys to see that you can learn from the hard times and overcome.
That said.... I am resisting this urge to text him. I miss him right now..
tfish, you have a lot to deal with. I think you are on the right path by not reacting and being patient. It is hard, considering what you are going through. I can see a strong woman though... You can do it for you and your kids, and also for your H.
Stay strong! I'm sending you some positive vibes.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Thats good..we have to resist urges that won't serve us or the situation
we are all a work in progress this MLC path just opened the door for some of us to speed it up
The kids do see what we are doing as the main parent who is raising them we are the one who has their back and at the same time I always still say positive things about their absent dec if his name should come up
I say he was a good man..hard worker he loves them very much he is just not well at this time there may come a time later that he can be there for them I have faith and I also have moved on I don't need him anymore I am happy with my life and it keeps getting better
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
after him disappearing this past week. he randomnly showed up today. He failed one of classes. I listened. I validated. I was supportive. We went to my S11 concert and on his way out I was teasing him about asking my sister to drive his car when he gets his new one...I said what am I chopped liver? Nope you are always working>>>> BAM there it is from the man who a month ago told me I was not a hard worker..had no ambition and it was not his responsibility to support me. I should be working more...
