Hi Ancaire and Mutatio, someone on here suggests a list- maybe Caliguy?- things I don't like about myself, things I do like about myself, and things I am changing. Then you take one of the "don't likes" and you move it to the changing list. One thing at a time.
Ironically, I have no trouble forgiving myself for past mistakes. Is that a sign of emotional health or shallowness? I think its a balance thing, H never lets go of any failure- perceived or real, small or large, and will blame himself and me forever, so maybe since he is clinging so tightly to the blame it is easy for me to let it go.
I will tell you, as a partner of someone who can't let go of the past, it is very frustrating and difficult to be around. I hope that doesn't come across unkindly. I know you are both nothing like my H, but still, our thoughts and baggage no matter how well we think we are concealing them, carry over into our body language, words, and actions, and can really be draining to those around us. My family therapist told me just the other day that I carry myself in a way that is "defeated". She is right. I am sure that my inner life is reflecting on the outside, and affecting my current relationships with people.
We all need to learn to be content with ourselves and our status. The more we don't deal with our feelings the more "stuck" we are, and the more we keep those around us "stuck" as well.
