I'm struggling this morning. Please, please help me get my focus out of my mind and into the present.

I don't have bad things to report, no backsliding. But my heart hurts and I feel like cr@p. I'm not sure why, but this morning I'm seriously questioning my resolve and whether or not I can stay on course. This all started when I left for work this morning (wife was still getting ready - I've been sticking to my specific departure time after getting the kids ready) and thought about how long W and I have known the OM. Over six years. We've known him for almost half our marriage.

And then I started wondering how long this EA has been going on? Looking for signs during the last 3 years. And sadly, finding them.

My mind is realing and I am spiraling into self-doubt. How the F can I compete with their relationship? How long will it take for the affair to burn out? What will it take for my wife to decide to leave one of us? And why do I care? I'm supposed to be working on me, but I'm stuck in the mud thinking bad, hopeless thoughts about things that I cannot realistically change.

To help illustrate the funk I'm in I'll let you all know that I'm not wearing my wedding ring right now. It's nearby on my desk, but my psyche wants me to know what it feels like to not have it on. Is this detaching or is this depression? I have lunch plans to work on ... and have bought a few similar books to work to regain my former confidence, but it feels hollow.

I feel hollow.

And of course what song comes on the radio? Bob Marley - "Waiting in vain." WTF? I swear the fates are laughing at my pain....




Last edited by Cristy; 12/17/15 10:58 PM. Reason: per forum agreement, do not mention other books/authors
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12;
S10 and S6
BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015
EA dissolved 12/2016

Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou