roiste, we are standing in the same spot, living the same moment. I feel different since my aha insight. I would have predicted a week ago that these thoughts would have been troubling and saddened me. I stand before you neither of these things. I am sure I will feel down again at sometime but not today. I am now seeing glimpses of the authentic me. I am not there yet, no by a long shot but its in there. This by itself is relieving. I will eventually put down this baggage and move forward to meet my destiny.
Please don't worry about taking over my thread, you can camp out here anytime, throw another log on the fire and ponder the universe.
I too have a strange calm. I have accepted where I am at and that one way or another my situation is going to change. An Armageddon moment!
Que sera sera. Whatever will be will be.
I'd gladly sit around a fire with you.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Hi Mutatio, I am having the same realization just not feeling calm about it. Like my new name? I want to join in that campfire!
Fo - Love the new name...so clever! LOL
M - we were talking about learning to stop hating ourselves. Where should we start? I was thinking about making lists: Things I've Done I Regret, Things I Don't Like About Myself, etc. Once I've got that started, I was thinking about working through them one by one - what I can change, can I make amends?, making amends if possible, forgiving myself and letting it go.
A, I like the idea and will do it with you. This will be our dance. I cannot do this at work so tonight will have to do. That's not a brush off, I like the dance.
F, you (note to self, stop starting sentences to Fo.2 this way) are alway welcome at my campfire. How's your hand?
Hi Ancaire and Mutatio, someone on here suggests a list- maybe Caliguy?- things I don't like about myself, things I do like about myself, and things I am changing. Then you take one of the "don't likes" and you move it to the changing list. One thing at a time.
Ironically, I have no trouble forgiving myself for past mistakes. Is that a sign of emotional health or shallowness? I think its a balance thing, H never lets go of any failure- perceived or real, small or large, and will blame himself and me forever, so maybe since he is clinging so tightly to the blame it is easy for me to let it go.
I will tell you, as a partner of someone who can't let go of the past, it is very frustrating and difficult to be around. I hope that doesn't come across unkindly. I know you are both nothing like my H, but still, our thoughts and baggage no matter how well we think we are concealing them, carry over into our body language, words, and actions, and can really be draining to those around us. My family therapist told me just the other day that I carry myself in a way that is "defeated". She is right. I am sure that my inner life is reflecting on the outside, and affecting my current relationships with people.
We all need to learn to be content with ourselves and our status. The more we don't deal with our feelings the more "stuck" we are, and the more we keep those around us "stuck" as well.
LOL Mutatio, I didn't think out the F you situation. You can call me F you anytime you want, it makes me laugh and is a pretty good reflection of my life now anyway!
I posted that three list thing that I borrowed from Caliguy. List what you like about you. This helps you appreciate your good points. List what you don't like about you. Then list what traits you would like or that are ideal. Normally five in each list. Then slowly over time replace the stuff you don't like with what you put on third list.
Fo welcome to the bonfire. Does the o stand for off!?! Haha
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
