boy, we are definitely in the same boat. I see my W slowly stepping back from OM, way too slowly for me. She is going to counselor to try and stop the attachment to OM. It helps me if I don't try to understand it because to me it is simple. Work on us without OM for the kids sake or pick OM. I would drop ANY woman in a second once I saw the hurt on my Son's face about leaving our house to sleep somewhere else. Why can't W see this? It doesn't matter--she is confused, hurt, depressed, etc. and can't think clearly.
One thing I learned about Jealousy. It is about me thinking, "How could she do this to ME?" Look how great I am. Look how wonderful I am. How could she pick someone else? I drop this self talk as soon as I can. I am not great, wonderful, etc. I am just a guy getting a long and having fun. She is not doing this to me.
2 schools of thought on OM/OW. One, put up a boundry and have tough love. "I will leave with the kids for one week. We will have no contact with you. You will make a decision one way or the other when I get back"
2) Act as if...Hey, you want the OM? Well I am not snooping, asking, begging, or pleading. I am just a humble guy who will be your friend. We will not discuss OM at all. I am following this because my W has a lot of problems right now and I am her best friend. If I cut her off she either will react with "what am I losing" or run as fast as she can to get those needs met by OM. What is working (DB principles) is being best friend. Yes, she still pushes me away when we start getting close. But she comes back much faster and we come back closer. Sort of reverse of detaching.
Hope this helps. I like your suggestions about a slow death.
