Cheaters flip out when they get caught. That's the standard response. It's the guilt, shame, and "oh [censored]" of the thing. It turns into anger. Meet that anger will cool and calm. Be very matter of fact. Do not allow yourself to get drawn into a screaming match. That's all covered in the 180. Read it over and over. Think about each item and think about how it pertains to you and her. Think about how you should have reacted differently during confrontations. I'm telling you in these situations it is your absolute best chance to save your marriage. Sometimes it feels like it's not. I remember feeling like the 180 might actually be hurting my chances but it didn't. It worked. It works better than any other approach to these types of things. 180, my friend. 180.
"I don't think I will apologize to her. I feel that I was justified in confronting her about her EA because I have listened to her talk about her relationship with her boss for the past eight+ years. "
It's not what you said, it's HOW you said it. That needs apologizing.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I do agree that I got drawn into a screaming match and that's something I should not have done. But when something like this is brought out into the open wether it's a PA or an EA I would think most people probably would have ended up doing what I did. Am I wrong? I know doing 180 right now is what I need to do I just have to pull myself off the ground.
_________________________ Me 52 W49 M 30 T 32 4 kids over 20 EA suspected Bd Sept 14 ILYBINILWY Still living under the same roof seperate beds
We had been discussing the sale of our home around March and we had a disagreement about it. I feel that our separation is because of her suspected EA and I hate the thought of selling our house and breaking up our marriage.
We were in the kitchen talking and I got frustrated and blurted out that she was having an EA with her boss and she just looked at me with a look of shock on her face. She basically said what the h are you talking about? I showed her some text messages that I had found on her phone between the two of them and had taken pictures of them. ( the texts were from over a year ago and I had never said anything) She didn't know what to say.
So in a raised voice I was asking her what the h is he texting you this for, what's going on?
This continued on for about 20 min. with me questioning her about how much time they spend together and how inappropriate it is for a supervisor and employe to spend so much time together.
She eventually threw a glass of wine at me and I stood there staring her asking her why she did this while she cleaned it up.
Yes I was angry and maybe I should have said something sooner instead of blowing up.
_________________________ Me 52 W49 M 30 T 32 4 kids over 20 EA suspected Bd Sept 14 ILYBINILWY Still living under the same roof seperate beds
I do agree that I got drawn into a screaming match and that's something I should not have done. But when something like this is brought out into the open wether it's a PA or an EA I would think most people probably would have ended up doing what I did. Am I wrong? I know doing 180 right now is what I need to do I just have to pull myself off the ground.
Yes yes. 180! Right now you can't trust yourself because the trauma of this has you not in your right mind. You definitely can't trust her for obvious reasons. What you can trust is the 180. I'm telling you if you follow it to the letter it's your absolute best chance. What you've done in the past that you talk about here is actually making your situation worse. Trust in the 180 more than you trust your own gut, heart, and head right now. I lost over a year and a half going it alone before I surrendered to the 180 and guess what? My year and a half of crying, arguing, fighting, begging, etc. just made us worse than ever. I gave up and did a strict 180 and turned all that around in less than 3 months. Today we're better than ever. She's back to being a sane person and even suggests I come here and try to help others. 180 my man. I swear by it.
Before I say anymore I do apologize for my bad grammar. English wasn't my best subject in school and I have a terrible time putting my thoughts on paper.
I don't post here very often but I do follow quit a few on this board gathering information as I go. I know doing a 180 is the best thing to do and I think I had it right about 85% of the time. No texting, phoning or following around the house.
I feel i'm starting to temperature check the past few weeks as we get closer to selling the house. Before I confronted her I was asking her why we had such a hard time communicating with each other throughout our marriage. Simple questions like this seem to lead to bigger problems. Frustration seems to be getting the best of me now. Maybe i'm starting to loose my patience now after all this time trying to DB and I have seen nothing positive happen doing it this way.
_________________________ Me 52 W49 M 30 T 32 4 kids over 20 EA suspected Bd Sept 14 ILYBINILWY Still living under the same roof seperate beds
