Pink, I think he may have meant you were out of his league! He saw how great you looked and thought he would never be able to keep you in the manner to which you have become accustomed.
Seriously though - I think the answer is always just to be authentic you...As Brene Brown would say - you are enough.
Take care Sweetie xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
How can people look at me and don't think I am very snobby? Because I am not. I am average, just like my heels and jewelry I guess, and I am old too. So, not much to show up anymore.
I think I need to improve my behavior, any clues are welcome!
Pink, no, honey, just be you. I am shy, and it was worse when I was younger. People who didn't know me, didn't take the time to get to know me, sometimes thought I was snobby. If someone doesn't take the time to get to know you, their loss.
Originally Posted By: Grlonfr
Warped warped WWH to have let you go. Definitely his loss!
Grl, I want to reply, but let's move over to my thread in Surviving. I've hijacked Pink long enough.
I get that I can come across as aloof when I don't warm up. Guys have pointed this out to me. At this point in time, I also find that I tend to gravitate towards the female company in the room in unfamiliar situations, just safer and less threatening, I think.
I guess we will just have to let our guards down. I think sometimes people can sense that we are still holding out for something, this brick wall part.
Maybe we will just have to take time to get there?
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
No problem, I'm not very picky. LOL. Feel free to talk, we learn all the time.
Thanks all of you for the amazing support.
Sotto - yes, it could be, just out of his league. I think it just took me by surprise. It's hard not to be who I am since I kind like what I am. I am pink that likes blue, I am a devil with angel wings. Got the picture? Ha ha.
RD - what do you mean don't change a thing. I do not want to come across as too snobby. Maybe I can just be a little more relaxed, not too guarded.
Rain - Like you, I have that Latino culture, so we are a little different. I don't think it is a bad thing, but it is there.
Grlonfr and Sunny B - Thanks, and I think you are right about the brick wall. I really don't want anyone in my life right now and I am not ready to even hang with someone in a romantic way. So, it could be that people just sense that guard brick wall.
I did not post but I got this text from XWH on monday morning:
" Good morning Cira - I want to apologize for last night. I thought I had scheduled the afternoon of the 13th. I will ask them if they want to go out tonight, OK?"
Did not answer. Did not care at all. He is crazy.
Today, we have a big snow storm and all schools are closed. So, I got this text.
"School is closed... have a nice day!"
So, I guess I will have a reminder that he is still alive every day. I feel I can never just have a day. A day with no XWH subject around.
I am feeling a little better now. But I also feel that the reason is because I am avoiding XWH. I feel a little more detached I guess. I still think about him, not all the time, but I do. But it is different now, I think about him but rather be away from him.
I am still thinking that when S15 graduate from high school, I will try to move away from here. Go somewhere, start anew and put some many miles in between XWH.
I am also not worry about OW and him. He can do whatever and it is not my business.
I don't know what exactly is happening to me, maybe I am tired of all this, maybe I am a DB pro now, maybe I love myself more then I love him. Really, it all started on Thanksgiving, when I was strong enough to say NO to him, and then I said that he will be happy and that in a few years it will all be just a memory.
Well, need to work from home today. I am quite sure I won't be driving tomorrow. Today, the roads were really bad.
I don't know what exactly is happening to me, maybe I am tired of all this, maybe I am a DB pro now, maybe I love myself more then I love him. Really, it all started on Thanksgiving, when I was strong enough to say NO to him, and then I said that he will be happy and that in a few years it will all be just a memory.
One of the things I've found with addiction Pink is that the first time someone is able to turn down the substance, or person their addicted to a shift can happen. It's step 1 in a process that absolutely cannot begin until that step 1 is taken.
Often times there's a lot of work that's been done, and a strong desire not have the substance in their lives, and once step 1 is taken, all of that work and desire comes out. If that makes sense. Like the floodgates open up a bit.
You've done a lot of DB'ing and been through an emotional chitstorm, so I will venture to guess that the first time you stood up for what was best for Pink and stepped away from the addiction to XH's energy, a shift happened and that's what you're feeling right now.
Every day you will get a bit stronger, no matter how often and how "innocently" XH inserts himself into your life (really, a text about school's being closed, come on man). You're now building the real house upon the foundation of DB'ing that you've already done.
Great work, you sound stronger already in your texts.
I will say I was taken aback to hear that you were latin, for some reason I pictured you sounding like Bruce Willis's girlfriend in Pulp Fiction! I have no idea why, something about the name Pink. Anyway..
Big hug to you and Rd,
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Hi PP, thanks for stopping by. It's really a pleasure, you always makes me laugh.
Yes I am latin, brazilian to be more precise. Born and raised in southern Brasil, a estate border with Argentina. My family started in Italy and Germany, then they moved to Brasil and after a lot of years I was born. Have more italian blood and a little bit of german. Not a good combination, but that is what it is.
If you take under consideration that I am not a Hollywood star, I look kind of Salma Hayek mixed up with Anna Shaffer. I have natural curly hair brown with yellow highlights (natural too), my hair is not short, it goes almost to the middle of my back in length, my eyes are very dark brown. I am 5"7' tall and 151 lbs, I guess I can loose more weight, but in my age it is not that easy anymore.
My attitude is pretty good I think. I do not like anything too much. I like being independent. I am a little insane sometimes, like loud music, my favorite bands are Muse and The Cure, like some U2, Queen, I love the new boys from One Direction and Five Seconds of Summer. Like Hip Hop too, went to an Eminem and 50 cents concert and loved it. Like motorcycles and love Jeep (the car). About movies, I like horror, really like it. Saw so many that almost nothing scares me anymore.
Hold a BS in Languages and always dreamed about becoming a prosecutor, what goes with my personality (I guess I let go on that), I was born a catholic but recently I got so disgusted with the church politics that I changed to Evangelic Christian. Well, I believe in God.
So, here you go, that is me... Pink. I guess I chose pink because I am very girl oriented. I actually love being a girl and always worry about hair, earrings, high heels, skirts, lipstick, nails, you name it. My kids are always picking on me because I am always putting lipstick when I am driving.
Now, please, don't think I am too gorgeous, I am 50 and very average. I am now very worry that I am starting showing some age under my eyes. With so much crying and not sleeping well during this last year and a half, I have noticed that my eyes need some good anti age cream treatment.
And you can laugh, but I will try whatever I can afford to buy to avoid the wrinkles, the aging process. Oh, what I would do to be 17 again.
Ahhh... I forgot, love the ocean. Did some surfing (not a pro at all) when I was young back in Brasil.
Regarding your analogy about addiction, I would say you kind of nailed it. I felt so much better I was able to say "I do not want to be with you, I don't want any intimacy". I was very proud of myself. And like you said, I believe that is what is happening, I finally got some freedom from those feelings.
I don't know what will happen in the future. Hear many stories about folks that D and in a few years down the road, they get back together. Maybe, maybe not, I don't know. I know that life is short and I probably lived more then my half already.
Sometimes I miss him badly, but then I remember that even feeling miserable, having nothing in life, he still chose to be far from me, he rather live a miserable life then work on a R with me. So I think: Be it, I will think about this tomorrow.
About RD, who knows? I am very curious and may get a crazy idea of going to Ireland one of these days. But, I guess there is time to spare since RD won't be a free man before 5years that is the law in Ireland. Crazy law by the way.
Now, I guess I just need to deal with the fact that every day I have a reminder that XWH is somewhere in earth. I know I will get better, but right now it bother me to get his texts. Even if I do not answer it, just ignore it, it still bother me to even see that I have another msg from him.
And I love the way you put it. "Innocently insert himself into your life". It is like I can't say that he is doing this to be in my life because he always have some excuses, his stuff, the walk about, his mail, the kids and so on. But why in the world is him doing this?
I told him many times already that I am his XWife, and that I do not need to know anything about him or his life, that I do not need to babysit him anymore or care about anything he does or doesn't.
Well, I guess I should show him in actions rather then say it. Then he will finally realize I am gone for good. If you don't want me, then leave me alone.
Hey pink answered some of your stuff on my thread.
But it's tough when you have kids to stay detached. Xh1 he helped with that he threatened my life every time I saw him for years about 3-4 so that helped enormously.
Xh2 is a manilputalor big time, he even charmed the mediator. I had to nc no kids made that easy and we just don't move in any of the same circles. Technology helps, caller id emails only to one address I see only at home and I changed my routine by one degree.
It's easier and easier.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Hi Sweet GG, indeed it is hard with kids. I still don't get why XWH does what he does, but maybe I just need to let go.
Got another text today:
"Cira, I owe you another apology because I did not think you would be coming for S15's free block...I should have let you know that I would get them and take to lunch. I am truly very sorry"
I just replied: "K. Txs.
The kids told me that they spoke in the morning and he told them do not worry that he would text me with their plans.
Maybe it is just what happen, nothing with any meaning or any intention behind it. The part I do not like about it is that every day I get a text of some kind.
It is a constant reminder that he is around. That he sees the same way, I don't know, probably not. That it is intentional so I will maybe call him to complain about it, I don't know.
Sometimes if I talk to him it seems like it bother him that I just ignore him. Why? I don't know.
He is the one that want the D and to tell the truth he seems moving on very well from the outside. He is enjoying life, going to the mountains to do his snowboarding, have some vacations planned with cousins in january, the OW is probably coming for the sales meeting in january too. Have his XMas vacations spending a week in his parents house in Virginia.
He is having a life. If he has a place to live or not, I guess it is not important because Pink needs to accommodate the situation with the kids. He just say that he does not have a place and he can't have his sons overnight ever.
It's all on me, 24/7 and he uses the fact that I love my kids and don't want to make a big deal about this and hurt my kids's feelings.
In the end, he is the one that gets away with whatever he wants to do as usual, as it was during our M as well. And TBH, this is why we got to the D.
He is selfish. XWH always tough about himself first. He does not put himself in anyone shoes. It's about him and only him.
I just got a letter from CU Boulder University saying that S17 has been accepted. XWH does not know, never asks anything about.
I take S17 to drive around so he can practice and be a good driver...XWH never took him for a drive, never. Does not even ask anything about it.
XWH did not talk about XMas gifts, I mention something about getting our gift together so the big kids get a better present since their gadgets are a bit expensive. He said yes and did not do anything about it.
Nothing, absolutely nothing. But he has his vacations all lined up, all organized and scheduled. So I feel like picking lately. I guess with the whole D process, I was in such a shock mode that I forgot who this man really is.
A selfish person, with no desire to love anyone besides himself. My IC was right, he said that for the things I told him, he could understand that my XWH was borderline narcissist and even if I would lose my voice explaining somethings to him, he would never see the same way. He just don't get what is to be humble, passionate, what is giving with your pure heart, have empathy and sympathy.
I am not angry with him, I am not going after him to tell him he is wrong or what he needs to do. I am actually very disgusted about his attitude.
He thinks that taking the kids to a restaurant and feeding them is to be a father. He thinks that taking them to a movie is spending quality time with them.
I am so sorry I gave my children such a father. A man with flaw personality and a weak behavior. What a shame.
I am not sure, but during the D court session, he asked the court to give him 6 months for him to arrange a place and so he could have his kids overnight on his days. I am still thinking that when it comes on february 5th, I will take him back to court and complain about him being irresponsible.
The whole child support was calculated for a 5 nights with the mother and 2 nights with the father. It's designed so both parents can have a life.
Why do I need to be understanding that he does not have the money to afford a place on his own because he pays me big money? I do not. Is not that said that his life and whatever he does is none of my business?
So what? It's none of my business and I really did not want to get to this point that I do not care anymore about him. I guess a person has it's limits and after seeing all what he is doing, I do not care at all if he can or can't.
It's about the law, it's about responsibilities and he is not my H at all. He is just a guy in the street.
He had me as an idiot this whole time, he stepped on me, played with my feelings, treated my family with enormous disrespect, probably laughed at me for being a coward, a loser. He did it all and took the best of me, now he is left with my bad side, and it is not pretty. I am a person that will try my best until the day I don't give a damn anymore and right now that what it feels like. I do not care.
So GG, no more manipulations, big distance and NC, if possible at all. The M is gone and done for good, so what do I care about this whole circus.
I am becoming again a woman I like, the one nobody will play with. I was never afraid of anything in life, suddenly he pulled the rug from under my feet and I fell to the ground thinking that my world had ended. Well, this jerk won't see me destroyed.
After so much childish from his part, I find it better to be on my own.
Thanks to this board and all my friends I have here that actually make more sense in life, I have the strength to stand up and rebuild my life again.
