Rain, it is a hard lesson to learn, and if you read my thread you will see how many times I bended and made it easy, comforting for my XH in hope he would just see it and think that it was wonderful and come back right away.
Unfortunately, when things get to this point, it is indeed the wrong approach. Now, that I am really getting away from my XH, that's when he invents many excuses to be around and texting me.
His OW, A, is his to own and resolve. The more you try to resolve it, the farther he will go from you.
It's very hard to get it at this stage you are in. But believe me when Michelle tell us it is not an easy task and be prepare for the hardest work you will do in you entire life, she was not joking.
First, a day at a time and a little improvement at a time, even if it is very little. Great that you are not calling, begging, using the kids as excuses, and is living him alone for now. It is very, very good and you should be proud of yourself.
Second, is there any way you can start working? Work helps a lot because it is some time you don't get consumed by your sitch, you also see and talk with other people, not only the kids in a house.
There will be moments of intense pain and depression. If it gets worse and you find yourself not being able to function, then set up an appointment and get yourself some mild anti depressant if you can.
It will help to take the edge away and you will feel better. How is your hair, weight, clothes? I know you are not in a mood for looking beautiful, you are more in a mood to sit in front of the TV, watching a sad movie, crying and eating a lot of ice cream. But you won't do it. This is for the movies. What you will do is to stand in front of the mirror and look for the person you want to be.
If you look good, you feel more confident, if you feel confident, then he will see that you are not in pieces and you are a strong, confident, mysterious woman only a fool would leave.
Let him blow his love, let him go after her just to have his heart broken in a million pieces, let him lose what he had and he will slowly see that he is an idiot.
He is kind of blind right now, but time goes by and with you out of the picture, then he will need to blame everything on himself.
Don't invite him to any dinner or for him to spend time with the kids. I know you dying to do this, but don't. If he ask to stop by the house to see the kids, then you say OK, when? Have the house organized, not a big mess. Look fresh and good, not over dressed up. When he is playing with the kids, be busy, doing something, away in your room, on your phone, whatever, but just let it be.
If he talks to you and mention anything about the sitch, bite your tongue but do not engage in any discussion about why this, why that, NEVER OW...never. Let him do the talk if he wants to, and then when you can say something, say you understand his reasons, you respect him and think that you both need some time to think about this.
Say that you have been thinking of all you have done or not done and is using the time to reassess your life till now.
You do not need to kiss his **s in any way, you do not need to punish him either. It's not about him anymore. It's about you. So, you can say that he is a good man and you understand he needs his time and space right now and that you will respect him.
Set his mind into respecting you by respecting him first. If he sees you screaming, crying, complaining, then he will respect you ZERO. But if he sees a person that is genuinely saying she understands him and is also thinking about her side of the story, then he will see a mature, independent woman that he can love.
You don't feel very strong right now, but just believe the process and you will feel better soon enough.
Keep doing the good stuff for yourself. After all, if you don't feel good, how he can be attracted to you? Or anyone to be honest.
