Please stop using our posts as a measuring stick to your own and to deter you from a very worthwhile path.
If you are reading a handful of threads here (including my joint one) indicating the end of a journey, it's because we have been at it for a really long time, and have exhausted all our time and energy on it. Optimist, Holding On and I have all been walking parallel lives and in similar timeframes, and we are all coming here from a position of strength.
I had a phone convo with another DBer last night who wanted to discuss how to tell when it's a good time to make a decision. I really can't answer that specifically for any person. Nor will I.
However, my tightrope walking has been worthwhile, and if I'm going for broke now, it's not from pain. I'm ready to risk everything to get what I want and deserve. We are all unique with unique dynamics. So please don't use others as a barometer for your own sitch.
If you are angry, you still feel something. In my opinion, you aren't ready to make a decision. In fact, I'm going to recommend allowing yourself to detach so that you can get to the point where you are indifferent.
I'm in a really centered and emotionally healthy vantage point, and it took a lot of self introspection and effort to get there. Now I want to go for broke.
So here's what I told my other DB friend last night: It's time when your head, heart and soul are in complete alignment and you have absolutely NO reservations about the decisions that are in front of you. If there is a doubt (whether reasonable or not), it is NOT time to make a decision. Look at your options and keep on the path until you have exhausted any and all alternatives available to you.
I cannot stress more how valuable posting here has been for me. I was in MC last year for 5 months, and although it was helpful, it was not supportive of me. My friends here provided me with the guidance and support I needed to continue on a path that I chose to take.
I hope you will stick with the program until your H commits to you and your M or you are in a really good place and frame of mind to live your life without him.
In essence, we are not choosing to walk away from delinquent spouses--but to choose to love ourselves more than we do a broken spouse. Does this make sense?
Hugs,
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
