Parents: help me parenting while separated (2)

[Ripe]

Thanks RD, I think I will tell STBXW exactly what you suggest, that we cannot be friends.

I can say yesterday was one of the most important days of this new life of mine.
In my previous two posts I wrote down the emotions I went through when I saw my STBXW at the disco.
I understood my reaction to STBXW’s presence came from a need to protect myself. It might not have been the most appropriate one but the one that worked for me.
I understood I am still filled with anger towards STBXW for what she did to our family. I am still too hurt.
I also realized that this anger is what is making me push for D. As a matter of fact, it is me who has been promoting and urging for the signing of the papers, who has been making the contacts with lawyers and getting all the information about the procedures to follow. I now clearly remember STBXW telling me that we didn’t need to sign any papers right now and me replying something like “no, if this is what you want this is what you’ll get.” I have to say I also feel that getting D would make everything extremely clear and allow me to move on much easier, howeverI still consider D an immoral action in which I do not believe.
On the other side, I also feel a need to protect myself financially.
STBXW is not currently working. And since she moved out I have been paying for her new flat and life away from me.
This I cannot accept.
So, how to make what I feel, what I want and what I need work?
I will no longer promote the divorce.
If STBXW really wants it there is nothing I can really do about it, but I will not actively pursue it.
On the other hand, I will propose STBXW that instead of getting D we legally separate. This is an option that my country allows, to be legally separated without ending the marriage. One consequence is that the assets are split like in the divorce, and this is exactly what I want.
Tomorrow STBXW and I have a meeting to discuss the divorce papers and agreements I sent her some days ago. Tomorrow I will tell her what I want.
Yesterday I became whole.