Pho - I'm sorry you are in so much pain. But I do believe there is something to learn from all this. I still do believe in Jack Canfield's equation...
Quote:
The formula I like to use to explain this concept is:E + R = O 
(Events + Responses = Outcome)The basic idea is that every outcome you experience in life (whether it's success or failure, wealth or poverty, wellness or illness, intimacy or estrangement, joy or frustration) is the result of how you have responded to an earlier event in your life. Likewise, if you want to change the results you get in the future, you must change how you respond to events in your life … starting today.
You had an outburst, an overly emotional one in which many things you withheld are now on the table. You were assertive. Now you have a cup of tea, a gift card and a request to talk.
If you want to save your marriage, I think you need to step up and take an assertive approach, instead of going along with status quo.
I'd talk to him (you talk he listens), if you can't do that I'd write a letter, have him sit down and listen.
Discussion needs to ultimately go towards a call to action. You explain your position (I love you, but I will not do this anymore). Then proceed on to your desired action (what do you want, a partner who is fully invested in the relationship? if so then setup an appointment to go talk to MWD. A fix for lack of sex? A fix for better communication? etc etc etc).
Being assertive spoke to him. I think you have to go to that well one more time.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
