The Next Day...

[mahhhty]

I read this all late last night, there is a lot of information in here to think about…

"I guess I'm just not confident in it being successful. "
That's the problem. You're still looking at this as being a plan that you have to obsess over. In order to detach, you really just let go.

Mr Bond – I know you are right. I feel myself going through the process. I’m not there yet but I know I am making progress. Last night was a good example of this. I’ll explain at the end.

I know 100% what you mean about the phone conversations. Sam thing happens here. I don't acknowledge her but talk to kids about what she says. Not sure if it is right or not!

OT - I'm not sure if it is the best path forward. But I think it is perfectly natural. And I'm confident that it doesn't actually matter.

Inching forward. Mahhty, you are awesome! Your daughter is adorable.

Pho – Thank you! I needed that. You aren’t so bad yourself!!! Keep on inching!

I hope this isn't a hijack, but I have a page on my computer with quotes from the posts on here that have helped me the most. It's like a DB highlight reel. Here is the one I have from Greek on Coach:

"What Greek says Coach did to win her back....

PP - Thank you! This is a good reminder. I've read this and posted it in the past, but it is definitely a solid reminder. Strength, Confidence and Grace!

That all being said, after a year or so of trying to put humpty dumpty back together again, GAL'ing, 180'ing and trying to get wife to notice you and change, a betrayed husband can then go to "let them go" and just be done the relationship while still retaining a side plate of hope that maybe they'll be one of the couples that rekindles their marriage years down the road. Essentially you are waiting for the affair to end and it might never end so get on living your own life and your (ex) wife will call you if and when the affair ends. They almost always do and the healthier and happier you are at that time, the more likely they'll regret what they've done and seek reconciliation. Chances are you'll have moved on by then....but maybe not.

GB - I agree with this. I've been thinking a lot about this lately.

All - Thank you for chiming in. I appreciate the effort and support!

Update from last night...

I was crashing at a friend's last night while on travel. Him and his W are very good friends of mine (their wedding was this past August). They both loved my W, when she was my W. Now they are skeptical and protective. They are well educated individuals and she is a therapist with a specialty for trauma victims and people with mental health disorders.

So our conversations are good ones and tend to challenge me (which I enjoy). We started talking about the process of letting go. Subsequently, discussing my concerns of letting go, and her coming back later.

My friend's W asked me these questions:

- Do you want her to come back?
- How long are you willing to wait?
- Don't you feel as if you are putting your life on hold?
- You said her coming back would be the best thing for the family, but would it be the best thing for you?

I didn't have steadfast answers, but they are very thought provoking. It was clear based on their tones, that they don't necessarily agree with my thought process. But they totally do see my growth and commented multiple times.

Earlier in the evening, I tagged along with them at their Christmas Party. I went outside for a minute to call the kids. D probed on where I was, which lead to X probing. Then X sent me pictures via text. Followed by multiple text messages. I responded once, and stopped responding after that. I feel like I have been seeing things more clearly lately.

I'm sure I will have many more ups and downs moving forward, and although I couldn't answer my friend's W's questions, I feel pretty good about where I am.

PS.... Great quote....

A Truth About Karma That You Won't Hear from the Mainstream Version.

"Now as a man is like this or like that, according as he acts and according as he behaves, so will he be;
a man of good acts will become good, a man of bad acts, bad;
he becomes pure by pure deeds, bad by bad deeds;

And here they say that a person consists of desires,
and as is his desire, so is his will;
and as is his will, so is his deed;
and whatever deed he does, that he will reap."

- Brihadaranyaka Upanishad, 7th Century BC