back from our 3-day easter weekend away. it was a lovely break, we were able to just relax, enjoy a different pace of life and unwind. being away from the town of OW was a BIG boost to my PMA. before looking at how my dbing has progressed these past 5 days, i wanted to share here something ranacan posted which has been resonating with me all weekend.
Quote: in fact i know this, our old marriage is dead. there is no going back to the "way things used to be". our "new" marriage (that i am hoping and praying for ) is on the other side of the river and the bridge between the 2 is our friendship. the way that we love and grow as friends both together and as individuals will allow us to possibly cross the river to a new relationship and a new life where we are no longer dependent on each other....or no longer looking at each other to make us happy....but lives that are interdependent....that's my hope anyway.
i feel that if H and i tried to pick up our old R, we will always view it as something that was tainted with deceit, betrayal and a host of other negatives. but if we can view this as a new begining, made possible by an enduring friendship, then the new R surely will be better, and on a new basis? i certainly need to shed my dependency on H and develop more spine, and be open to having our lives be interdependent. thanks, ranacan
ok, now to look at these goals, objectively. some not-so-comfortable home truths i need to face expect nothing - this has perhaps been the single most helpful state of mind. it has made it possible for me to back off and enjoy the ride i will keep this as my number 1 goal for the foreseeable future embrace honesty - done and do-able. make room for H's dignity - this is a lot more difficult, as making space for him means giving up my grounds for feeling wronged. why should i have been through all this pain, and not have it recognised by the person who caused it? this is the child in me seeking attention, and not good dbing at all. sigh. must continue to work on this. reciprocate honesty - to do this well, i need to keep reminding myself the rules for constructive talks, it is so easy to slip into old, bad habits. more work needed here focus on one thing at a time - done, and do-able. in fact, life is MUCH simpler, and more relaxed, now give H space - done and do-able. the more i focus on the next goal, the easier achieving this becomes focus on myself - done, and easy to continue doing. went on a shopping spree this weekend, bought some lovely things for myself. booked myself in for a course of manicures and pedicures, paid in advance so i HAVE to go through the sessions support this bb - done, and will always check in on others before posting my daily updates, as visiting helps me centre my perspective
why is this post titled more baby steps? well, this trip away was a major milestone. this is the first time since H's a that while we have been away, there has been NO contact between them. every previous trip, and there have been 4 in all, holidays and long weekends, the cell phones have been red hot with chats and texts. i was extremely nervous and expected anything and everything. in the event, there was NO contact. yeah. and H showed no visible signs of distress at lack of contact.
i mentioned in my previous post that there are some gremlins lurking around, i may need to let them out here and rant a bit later this week. got to go check on nitaf now. lots of hugs to everyone, slowly
