Recent Hurricane

[NateG79]

Yeah, the cheese is definitely gone. It's so strange that there is just no R at all. I don't know any longer if the A is carrying on. She's put some 6 month time-frame for separation, and we are literally nowhere. I get my D back tonight, so I'm very much looking forward to that. We're about 5 weeks from move out.

[NateG79]

Got our Xmas tree up finally. Took some pics with me and the D2. Gave her a bath, put on her jammies. Had peanut butter sandwiches for dinner, she had some warm milk before bed. She went down with no problems. Talking to the babysitter, I got the sense that our D is having problems sleeping at W's place. I don't think she's comfortable. And all the swapping around is affecting her. She has problems adjusting for most of the day when she first comes back over here. Her routine is broken up. These are some of the things that make me hate the W. My older brother says this is a natural feeling and his W had hateful feelings towards him at times during his A. He told me, no matter how bad it looks, that even through hatred, Love can be restored. He's a very grounded christian and someone I look up to. He has helped me to calm down some and get more on even ground. BTW, 3 DAYS 'TIL STAR WARS EP VII OMGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

[NateG79]

So, some new info to share. Had a phone call from my MIL. Found out some things that my W has been spinning. Apparently my wife had said to her mother that she was hurt that sometime this week we had a conversation and I was "distant and not emotionally" available during the conversation( read detachment). This is after my wife has told me that she did not want to SHARE emotional conversations with me (said "that's not your role right now") So I stopped. Completely. Also, in my MIL's conversation with the W, the W seems to be under the impression that the OM (who is married for 10 years, has 2 kids, and a new mortgage) is going to leave his family sometime after the holidays/new year for my wife. Whaaaaaaaaaat? I said, you've got to be kidding me. I really think it may be time to seriously consider filing divorce. Any thoughts here would be appreciated.

[NateG79]

Fitful sleepless night. Lots of panic attacks. I can't believe that this could happen. Had anyone been in this place? Anyone know how to deal with the unsettledness? This is literally the most stressed I've ever been

[trumpet]

Same here - no sleep. Working the coffee machine at work HARD today.

Do you have any meds that could settle you down? Have you gone for a walk? I've found exercise seem to calm my mind. Since I developed achilles tendonitis, it's made my mind race a bit more.

Keep posting - keep expressing yourself. It helps.

[NateG79]

Thanks trumpet. I'm almost baffled how some OM with so much to lose, is even telling my W that he would leave his family with young kids for her, go against Gods principles as a Catholic, and destroy 2 homes. I just can't believe that.

[NateG79]

Deep Breath
Okay, so I talked to my coach today. She certainly helped to resettle me. For now, I must focus on being cordial, and take opportunities to show my 180s in whatever ways I can. Showing good co-parenting skills is my best option to keep the family together. The statistics that OM would break up his family are low, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. A's are very hard to predict. Ohhhh for some advice from Sandi on what's going on would be nice . Any uplifting words and thoughts would be appreciated.

[123mich]

NateG79, I have been there. It will get better with time but VERY SLOWLY. I still have trouble and rely on over-the-counter meds to help me sleep at night; helps take the edge off to get a few hours of deep sleep.

[NateG79]

I've been taking lorazapam, and they help to steady my mood, but the panic attacks i experience with some of these bomb drops spin me out of control. This is the most stressed I've ever been, and I've been in warzones.

[JellyB]

Nate,

It has been lovely to see you post. There are a few of us here who experience high levels of anxiety and PTSD. I don't know your story, but Nate you may well be experiencing accumulative stress, grief and loss. It is reasonable and expected that we would experience a certain amount of stress from M difficulties and BD, maybe for you there has been other unresolved issues from the past, that is making you more vulnerable to a more severe response. Your account of being in warzones, suggests that this could be a possiblity.

It is also not uncommon for people who have high levels of resilency and power and can compartmentise emotions to become overwhelmed when a significantly emotional crisis occurs. The loss of control over a situation is very challenging because they usually have the skills abiliities and wherewithall to influence any situation into the positive for themselves. DB drop whips that power away from us faster than lightening.

This potentially will be a steep learning curve Nate. But keep doing what you are doing. There are some amazing men on the boards here who have been where you are. They have been emotional and vulnerable and as overwhelmed as you are feeling. But they have prevailed!!!! They a good solid, caring masculine men who now have open and emotionally available to themselves, their partners and children and to others. I really don't understand at times, why they don't see what I do. I would be snapping them back and never letting them go.

The reward of this work Nate is high. Hang in there.

I will keeping popping by to see you now that I know you are another sufferer of this dreaded thing called anxiety. If you read my most recent posts you will see that I am on the bounce up from an epsiode earlier in the week.

You will find Nate that the attacks reduce in severity over time. Panic attacks first - which BTW are one of the worst experiences and would never wish them on anyone. They will become anxiety, and then attacks will become further and further apart. You may indeed be lucky and they may resolve quickly once you feel more in control over your sitch.

I don't know if you have done any reading on mindfulness. But this has been a life saver for me. Sometimes I am far to triggered to practice what I know helps but if I get it in good time I can reduce my symptoms considerably. I have found hypnosis incrediably helpful.

Keep coming here, someone is always here to talk you down, even if its just some casual chatting about nothing.

I see the people who are posting on your thread. You have good people already watching over you Nate. You cared for and supported here.

Much love and light Nate

JellyB XXXX