Beautiful response, there's a lot here. You've done the work and you've done it well, now you've reached an impasse. Unfortunately I'm not going to be a lot of help other than support and probably telling you what you already know.
Paleo plus CrossFit style training like HIIT is a great recipe for rapid weight loss, muscle building, and strength gains. It's also a great recipe for adrenal fatigue and hormonal issues. I had adrenal fatigue from that type of training and have worked with a lot of people in the same boat.
Throw in the adrenal explosion that a relationship situation is and you've got the perfect storm of your body stopping everything in its tracks. Throw in the emotional component of the apprehension of sharing your physical body with another person with a freshly broken heart and all kinds of challenges emerge.
My recommendation is to add in two days a week of weight lifting as opposed to just walking. Keep the walking but sub in some strength training. Compound movements, 6 - 8 sets, 10 - 12 reps. Don't be afraid to push around the weight, 2 -3 minutes rest in between sets. You're not trying to break a heavy sweat here.
Keep your walks long and light, no running or anything else that taxes you. Just move.
Other than that, be patient. Very patient. I've had clients whose weight loss was completely stagnant for months and then it restarted. There are forces at work both hormonally and emotionally that may not show up empirically.
Just like a DB sitch, sometimes the best thing to do is let it go. Enjoy your body in the form that it's presenting right now. It's still yours, it's still the best one you've got and there's a lot to be celebrated with it. There are people dying to look the way you do right now. Find gratitude in your health, find reasons to love your body. I know it sounds cliche and trite, but make a practice of it.
Since you do have a history of abuse, if you were my client I'd recommend speaking with an IC about your beliefs about your body. I would bet that there is still unresolved emotion around your past being expressed by your current body presentation. The sentence, "I can't do that being 35k overweight and scared to train, scared to eat" lets me know that it the weight is still serving you in a way that consciously you may not want it to but unconsciously it is.
Talk to your IC about the fears you have about a new partner too, it sounds like those fears are also being expressed through the weight.
Let this go Jelly, breathe, how you look today is not what's important although it may feel that way. What's important is who you are and the path of growth you're still on.
Big hug,
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
