Back on these forums again 4

[Mona52]

Yesterday I started texting a guy I met on Sunday. Nothing major, just vague stuff like weather and having fun on Sunday.

It was innocent to me because i thought he lived 2 hours away. I flat out do not have time to fit in a relationship where i have to drive 2 hours.

It was like air being able to text a human during the day about nothing. I understand I am vulnerable right now. My ego was shattered and this guy really made it feel so much better, so texting with a tiny hint of flirting was unbelievably exciting.

So we bantered while I was at work and some more last night. Then I found out I was wrong about where he lives. He only lives an hour away. That changes alot, so I need to stop and think about what I am doing.

I refuse to wait alone for years again, but I absolutely refuse to hurt some guy who does not deserve it. There is zero chance we would be compatible in a serious relationship because he is a bit on the vain side. So I do not want to lead him on in thinking if he puts the time and effort into this, it can go anywhere.

But we only sent a few texts back and forth, I can't just blurt out "I'm not going to ever marry you" LOL

Actually, I could. That is the beauty of my time right now. It is a gift I can do whatever I want with! But I dont want to be destructive.

During our conversations on Sunday and yesterday, it became very apparent he is a visual guy. He said things like he enjoyed watching the way I danced, and my hair looked pretty. Then he said one thing that made me realize he was vain. I don't remember his exact words, but they were something like if he did not think I was pretty he would not have asked me to dance. It was supposed to be a compliment, I'm sure.

So, here is where I am happy I met him. I had three kids, and I quit smoking. I also am over 40. In my eyes, my weight and belly are (sorry if this next word offends anyone) ugly. I hate that word, but there is no other word to describe it.

This guy seems very visual and says I'm pretty. My H is also very visual. Unfortunately, even though he said I was pretty, I was always covered since the babies. There are certain...activities... I would not do a certain way, because I felt too much of my body might show.

I was reading a psychology paper on what men really think about a woman's body. And apparently, they have no real issues with a few extra pounds. The article said that women know that a man COULD be James Bond, but no woman would be upset because her H does not dress in a tux and perform death-defying stunts every night. Yes, men know that there are supermodels, but they care more about how a woman feels about herself.

So, if I woman thinks she is fat, it is a turn off to both him and her. But even if she is heavy, if she feels like a goddess, he will see her as a goddess.

In future R (hopefully with H), I want to be able to not jump under the covers with the light off if my partner is a visual creature. Or I can look for a vision impaired partner and end my embarrassment.

So I have been practicing with this guy. Every single time he gave me a compliment, I simply said thank you. I tried to portray outward that I was used to hearing this and it is normal for me. I made ZERO derogatory remarks about my weight.

I tried to tell myself no one asked him to look at me, so it was his choice and if he did not like it, he could have easily turned his head.

So, without hurting him. I would really like to practice with him or getting past my feelings of ugly. But I do not want to rely on what he thinks as my self worth. I have to get to a point where I can see myself.

So there are things I have to completely watch out for:

1. I cant lead him on and hurt him. PERIOD
2. I cannot depend on him to feel good or bad about myself
3. I cant let my emotions guide me. Yes it is unbelievably exciting, but it is normal for a initial high. It wont last.

Here are things I want to learn if I can, without going too far.
1. Accept a compliment. Not just accept it, expect it (My Lord, did I just say that?)
2. Find out what another person needs and not what you thing they should need.

Things I want

1. Laugh, try new things, and laugh some more.
2. Prove to myself that I am not doomed to live life alone.
3. Be in the life of a man that does manly things like use a hammer, install the air conditioner in a window, fix the vacuum, lift a heavy box (shirtless of course).