Letting go of the child inside

[SciDad]

It sounds like your older daughter might be feeling left out of the situation, meaning that she might not be feeling loved as you and your W focus on each other

Am I right in remembering that you were reading about love languages? If so, you might want to think about how you express your love to your children. I think the principles can be used very effectively in every relationship - whether its parent-child, work-related, with friends, or with a spouse.

Just my 2 cents, and good luck with everything. It's not going to be easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is.