hi everyone - been reflecting quite a bit on why i've had such a lousy time since monday dinner, and what i need to do to avoid this happening again. some ground rules for slowly:
expect nothing - treat H as a great friend, sometimes an intimate friend, and leave it at that for now embrace honesty - when H wishes to discuss OW, listen, validate and don't judge, or take it personally. make room for H's dignity - he has said he made a mistake, and is trying to recover from it. he is sorry to have put me through this. his pride has taken a beating (having to confess to me). i may want him to say he is sorry every 5 minutes, but it will never happen. i need to allow him space and dignity. be satisfied he has at least once acknowledged his error; it probably feels like a lot more to him reciprocate honesty - let him know in a calm and constructive manner that i have bad moments, and if it becomes a lousy mood during our time together, i need to apologise. work harder to be a fun companion. save gripes for the fellow sufferers on this bb focus on one thing at a time - yeah, its a man thing, but there must be a good reason for it - i'm sure they go less nuts overall. right now, selling our flat is the most critical item on the agenda. i've probably been stressing myself out over that, and was in a lower state of readiness to cope with OW discussions on monday night give H space - we are in contact with each other almost 24 hrs a day - at night, if not a spoon fashion cuddle, he holds my hand while we sleep. we have breakfast together, when we get to work, he gets on IM with me, and the channel is open pretty much all day. sometimes (2-3 times a week) we meet for lunch. we have dinner together. maybe clubbing. i think we need a break from each other. it is a marvel we find new things to talk about focus on myself - towards the last days of the A i was doing this very well, in fact, i'm sure it spurred him on to end things as i was doing my thing too often for his comfort. i need to revive some of that. for me. support this bb - cannot explain this, but i really feel better after a session here, even if i'm just speculating on yoga based limbo - it is gratifying to be able to help out, so i really should carve out time to do more
that's it, my friends. thank you for being here for me. my life would have turned out quite different if it were not for michele and all of you. lots of hugs, slowly
