dday, getting out of the muck

[dday]

Last thread:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2628757#Post2628757

[dday]

So, I think by the end of this thread that I want to be out of the muck... hence the name.

Tl2, thanks for the encouragement that I am on the right path.

Grl... W definitely confuses me and I think is using the kids to do it now. Maybe a coincidence, but I really don't believe in those anymore.

I just read through the D papers (at work, so I got paid to do it, lol). Really not a lot to discuss anymore, except that she has made commitments to me that aren't listed in there. SO, I am going to draw up a separate document with my stuff listed. Like an agreement that I can store my tools in the garage until I buy a place, etc. More personal crap that doesn't really concern L.

Lately, I have realized that if I were to meet her today for the first time, I would think "what a cute girl, too bad her head is so far up her ass." It's all about her. I noticed last night at s8 game that a couple of the common friends came over and sat with me. One even got up and left her to do it. Made me feel good. Nice to have little shows of support in the real world to go along with what I get here. And, the fact that s7 really didn't want to go home with her last night. He was having fun with me just goofing off. I had all 3 of them piling on me for a tickle fight... I lost. Good times though!

[Ancaire]

Good morning, D! Just checking in...saw your supportive post on my thread, too. I really appreciate that.

I think you're right about how seeing H for who he is and not for who I remember is definitely helping with detachment. H now repels me. He doesn't look anything like Napoleon, but for some reason when I think of how arrogant and entitled he is, that's what comes to mind. Weird.

Divorce and agreements? You are wise to get it all in writing and signed. She had no problem breaking a GIANT vow to you, so what would a smaller promise be to her?

I ran into that problem yesterday when my L asked me something about H. My first, immediate reply was in his favor...and then I had to back up. He lies to me all the time. I have no idea how long he's been doing it. It's awful to realize I can't trust him. Period.

You can't trust W, either. It sux. Oh, well. You've at least made good friends, on your own, who value things like character and integrity, so you're among like-minded!

I miss tickle fights...and zerberts! Do you have zerberts where you live? I loved playing with my kiddos. I am so happy you are treasuring every moment. It really goes by way too quickly.

I'll be checking in later - have a great day!

[dday]

W is texting me about this crap again. We discussed last week that we wouldn't text about it, because it's easy to interpret things wrong. She is trying to get me to let her have the kids christmas eve night, until the night of the 26th. Give her 2 days of Christmas stuff and me none. I told her that doesn't work for me.

I'm having issues with this not turning to hate right now. Selfishness and using the kids to prove it is so wrong.

[tl2]

Selfishness and using the kids to prove it is so wrong.

Agreed.

So what is your preferred Xmas scheduling and how are you going to respond?

[dday]

I told her that my first thought was that she was being a female dog, trying to keep the kids from their dad on christmas. I also reminded her that texting has its place, and that isn't it.

So, I get them on Xmas eve until 10pm, and get them back at 6pm crista day. So we can do family stuff and have us time too. Then I get them the 30th thru the 3rd. That will probably make W go nuts to be away from them that long... but it's her idea.

[Azzork]

Then I get them the 30th thru the 3rd. That will probably make W go nuts to be away from them that long... but it's her idea.

Not to be a jerk. But if this is her idea, she probably has an ulterior motive...

Not saying you should reject it. Do what's best for you.

[dday]

I'm sure she does. It allows her to use me as a babysitter while she goes to work a couple of those days, since she is out of vacation time. Other than that, it won't matter. I will probably sign papers tomorrow or Thursday. She did just text me for half the house payment.

[mutatio]

It must be incredibly hard to have to sign the papers. I am so sorry this happening to you and your family. Be strong dday. Take care of yourself and try to keep the bitterness from consuming your soul. DDay, you are loved

[dday]

Thanks mu. In a way, I have made a bit of peace with it. I don't want it. Still think it's the worst mistake she can make. But, she isn't herself. Or at least not the person I fell for. She seems to be in a huge hurry to get this done. I told her tonight that I think this is a huge destructive mistake, and she is excited about it. She said she just wants it to quit looming over us. Crazy.

So, I will sign it. I don't want someone who doesn't want me back. I want her to want me. Since she doesn't now, I have to let her go. She will fall and skin her knees and I will not be there to pick her up. Her circus. Her monkeys.

It's sad. It's wrong. It's painful. But, I have to keep moving forward, and not "hulk out". I have the boys this weekend, and Friday I have a party that STBX will be at. She may in fact be my x by that time.

I am going to let one of my friends fix me up after that. May be too soon. May feel all wrong. Never know until you try. I'm sure it will be akward, it's been 14+ years since I dated anyone but W. Leaving the door cracked, bit I am going to keep walking.

Thanks for the concern!