went to sleep last night feeling really lousy, had breakfast with H in a bit of a mood, it was a little tense. came in to work, logged on to this bb, and i feel truly blessed. i cannot express just how glad i am you folks out there are with me. before i go into an analysis, i'm just going to take a moment to savour the feeling of being supported.
zinta - i should be showing half the spunk you have been, and stick with dbing. thanks for the push
dazed - i'll take any hug, even a slippery one. yes, you did give me the heads up about safety zones, and yes, when H was telling me about their conversation he did point out to OW that she should be unloading on her friends, and that H is really not able to help any more (my problem, he said able and not interested. able could mean my evil W is stopping me ) and yes, i am guilty of expecting way too much too soon, those wonderful baby steps just got me carried away. sigh.
jen - i REALLY appreciate your opinion, even if in my saner moments i know there has been progress, it is SO GOOD to have it validated by someone else
ranacan - you are saying all the things that have been driving me nuts - just how is it possible to 'love' more than one person with romantic passion and more than anything else, i think what has been bugging me is H's lack of recognition that i have been really working hard at keeping us together. this support i get from my one best friend, and you all here. it is so appreciated, and needed.
rotz - i love your reasoning. i too forget that the rest of the world is not like me - not just in this matter. i believe myself to be an avegare person, which means everyone else is the same, right? duh. causes me no end of issues at work too and spot on with the expectations - i even deliberately chose slowly to keep reminding myself that this is going to take time. but dear god, it is so painful
debcb - i'm sorry you are in this sitch too. but hey, at least we have this crowd to pull us out of the doldrums
BnB - thanks for the language reminder - we're still waiting for our book. yes, i think in his own way H has been trying to show me he cares, it is just not enough for me. my friend pointed out that the fact that he is being honest is a HUGE thing, and i agree. i often forget that for a couple of months the A was behind my back. what made it end, well my H had initiated the end about 4 times, just because he wanted to stop hurting me, but OW would not let go. then her H slashed himself, needed 40 stitches, and it was affecting their kids, so finally she ended it. i think it was a big relief for my H. i recall him once saying that he 'chose' a married woman for A as they would not be too clingy, and that he had misjudged that aspect big time - like i needed to know all this
ok, i need to figure out what to change about my approach to this whole thing so i can avoid future backslides. next post. my short attention span cannot take these long chats
) and yes, i am guilty of expecting way too much too soon, those wonderful baby steps just got me carried away. sigh.
and more than anything else, i think what has been bugging me is H's lack of recognition that i have been really working hard at keeping us together. this support i get from my one best friend, and you all here. it is so appreciated, and needed. 
and spot on with the expectations - i even deliberately chose slowly to keep reminding myself that this is going to take time. but dear god, it is so painful
