Letting go of the child inside

[ATPeace]

V thank you so much for the post on love and smothering
Ghost

[claire7]

Seems like a selfless, loving thing to do would be to let her go.

[Azzork]

I have read sometimes doing nothing is better than doing something it just seems counter intuitive doing nothing and waiting for something to happen.

Here's an example that might help you.

Let's say you're making a spaghetti dinner for your family. The first thing you do is put the water on to boil. Once you start it, there's really nothing more you can do. Every time you check it, the temp goes down and makes it take longer. So, you "do nothing".

While that's happening, are you going to sit around and wait? NO! You get out the ingredients, prepare the sauce, set the table, etc.

So, let the water boil, AP. Start making DINNER. Not pasta.

[ATPeace]

Azzork thank you

Claire I am not string enough to do that

Everything is falling apart my daughter 17 year old kicked off yesterday saying to me in front of my W I cannot wait till we live in separate houses

I am trying to make the bond between my daughter and myself stronger but this is also broken I believe behind repair right now

I cannot divorce bust her I just have to give her space I would like to see her in counselling with me and my W but then that is controlling my wife says my daughter will not go so the only option I have is to back off from her give her space and stop talking to her as well

This would be so much easier if my W would just want to work on things whilst she does not I have nothing that I can do or say to make things better with my daughter

[ATPeace]

I feel like a broken record

Divorce is not the best option for my children for the future but if my W will not talk or work on making things better then we are going nowhere

I feel my daughter will live with my W so my W gets my daughter all the time

My hugest boy is going to be so so confused scared and unsure
My eldest boy will make his decision

My youngest daughter will share the access with me

[ATPeace]

Been to Dr asked for more counselling sessions I really do not see anyway forward from this

Sorry

Spinning

[rd500]

Hi mate. Could you ask the Dr for some medication to help you calm down

I'm afraid to ask but how did you fall out with D. My D14 goes to an I/C and I wouldnt dream of asking my W to go

Most divorces are not good for the kids but they happen and life goes on

IF and it's a HUGE IF, your W decides to work on your R it will be a long time before that starts I've read the average is 1 month for every year together so you have years to go. Accept that,

This is your life and you can let this sad event define you forever. In 20 years time you can be on here saying how W made a terrible mistake but it still happened

My dad is now 80 and he regrets with all his heart leaving my mom 38 years ago.

Those regrets won't help you. They don't help me now

I can tell by your posts you are saying / doing more than your telling us and if your not telling us it's not good stuff your keeping back

Time to man up , accept what is and show your kids you will be the best dad ever

Please get back to Dr , get some help and start to accept what is

Take care Rd

[SciDad]

It sounds like your older daughter might be feeling left out of the situation, meaning that she might not be feeling loved as you and your W focus on each other

Am I right in remembering that you were reading about love languages? If so, you might want to think about how you express your love to your children. I think the principles can be used very effectively in every relationship - whether its parent-child, work-related, with friends, or with a spouse.

Just my 2 cents, and good luck with everything. It's not going to be easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is.

[tfish08]

I never really post and I am sorry if I am over stepping

LET GO.... love her by letting her go
Love her by being the best dad you can be
Love her by being strong and independent

Love her by taking care of you

[Maximus]

Azzork thank you

Claire I am not string enough to do that You need to work on that whether you like it or not. This is not optional otherwise might as well kiss her goodbye.

Everything is falling apart my daughter 17 year old kicked off yesterday saying to me in front of my W I cannot wait till we live in separate houses She has issues you need to work on with her. Why did you fall out with her and be truthful, objective.

I am trying to make the bond between my daughter and myself stronger but this is also broken I believe behind repair right now As a father you should NEVER give up till your dying breath on your children. You have this habit of whinning and giving up easy but then complaining nothing gets done.


I cannot divorce bust her I just have to give her space I would like to see her in counselling with me and my W but then that is controlling my wife says my daughter will not go so the only option I have is to back off from her give her space and stop talking to her as well So you have a daughter that doesnt like you to put it mildly so your answer is to stop talking to her? Talk to her about everyday things normally, keep on acting as a father, see what p1ssed her off and fix it. Dont smother her or act like with your wife ... stfu as well till she comes round. IMHO anyway.

This would be so much easier if my W would just want to work on things whilst she does not I have nothing that I can do or say to make things better with my daughter You do, its just that YOU have to do your homework, dont try and squirm out of this as well as. See how you keep on relying on your W? You are not showing your W any inner strength at all just a deep level of dependency on her, ie more pressure.