Falling forward, not back.

[V2pt0]

Just thought I would check in. Part of me is so ready for Christmas to be over, but at the same time am looking forward to 11 days off starting next Thursday. Thanksgiving was just much less emotional, but there were less reminders of H. It has been hard not thinking of what H and I would we would normally be doing. The songs, parties, food, shopping, putting up the tree...none of it has the same joy this year. I am not miserable, but just over emotional and finding that I am having too many irrational thoughts that H is going to have a last minute change of heart. I truly do miss many parts of him. Guess that is all normal.

I have been doing good with staying busy and GAL. Last week I had trip to work HQ, happy hour with Bootcamp folks and some Christmas shopping. I even bought some anti-stress coloring books and gave started using them. I have also been consistently getting my exercise, which is helping my moods greatly. This week, I have a board meeting, lunch with a former boss, and a night out planned.

All of my GAL must be paying off because I keep getting wonderful compliments how happy I seem and how great I am looking these days. I do feel I look and act more youthful/energetic since BD. I am also finding I much more engaged and talkative with people. I have a tendency to be closed off and I am learning becoming much more open. Lots of good changes happening and people are starting to take noticing!!

As for H, not a peep for two weeks. His lack of communication certainly has helped with detaching. That being said, I do find myself going down a cheeseless tunnel wondering why so many WAS seem to try and maintain contact while mine has seemingly gone NC. I realize the alternative has its own challenges. I am not sure why it bothers me so much, but I guess I am still taking it too personally as further rejection and abandonment. I keep having to remind myself it is not about me, but some days it is easier to believe than others. Even though there are still some really $h!t days, I am really starting to appreciate how strong I have stayed throughout this whole ordeal. I am a very tenacious and resilient person and those traits have really come in handy over the past 9 months. Progress.