My nutritionist talks about the 80/20 rule for a happy life and continued weight loss. 80% on the plan and 20% those little treats. My treat is one coffee per day and two home made Paelo chocolates at night as a fat supplement. They are made from 100% cocoa powder, coconut oil, almond butter and honey.
I don't eat fruit as this was extra sugar I didn't want. Besides I think I have a food sensitivities to mould. Last raspberries I ate sent me on a downer and emotional like nobodies business. I think dairy is a problem too I think, but I like a little of that in my diet. butter mostly and a little bit of cheeeesee.
To be honest I don't think I am eating enough. I have diaried by my food intake for my nurtritionist and she thhinks I could probably eat more fat, likely a little too high on my protein. I hate watching my food really closely as it stresses me out and makes me feel like I have a food disorder, watching every portion of food I put in my mouth. While I don't look like an anorexic by any stretch of the imagination. Food intake creates alot of anxiety for me and has done for many years. The idea of getting back to 156kgs stresses me alot. I know I could balloon so easily if I took my eye of my food intake for a minute.
I don't drink alcohol, I don't drink soda or diet soda even. I drink between 2-3 litres per day. My vice is coffe. Which with possible adrenal fatigue and too much cortisol likely is not helping. But you know when there are no other vices in your life , including a sexy man for passionate sex...a girl has to give herself a break.
I have spent years in and out of therapy regarding childhood trauma and abuse. The last at the beginning of this year. I feel that alot of it is resolved (never totally of course) but most. I feel that if was heading back to therapy it is likely going to because of how much I hate this body I walk around in. Yes the apprehension about being with a new partner does stress me out. I want this issue resolved so I can moved forward. Leaving all these issues behind, leave that broken abandoned fat me behind. A whole new start!.
As for exercise. A was a really active kid within the confines of unmanaged asthma. Then I wasn't and I got fat. And then I got fatter and fatter. Then I had my lap-band and discovered walking. And I walked inititally that was all. I wasn't brave enough to enter a gym.
A then one day I forced myself into a gym and loved having a personal trainer. So for a while I trained at the gym 5 days per week, with one hour per week with a PT. weights and cardio. Weight came off. I took up cycling, weight came off.
Then I plateaued. So I uped the training. cycled 5 days per week. PT 2x 45 min sessions per week - functional fitness - Crossfit kinda stuff, boxing 45 mins per week group class. Cycling events in between. I did this for 18 months.
No weight loss - changed shape and toned. And then I gave up. I stopped exercising and lost 10kg.
Then with all the stress of relationship breakup and antidepressants 10kg went back on.
In Feb this year I went back to the gym. Two 45 mins PT sessions per week. Tues and Thurs. Wed Cardio. Sat Cardio, sometimes a bike ride an hour. Sunday Cardio and weights, maybe boxing on the bag at the gym. - no weight loss. My goal was to be able to run 5 km by my birthday at the end of April. I did it.
Since my operation in July. I have only been walking riding my bike recreationally, watching my food. I did quite a bit of reading on adrenal fatigue and impact of cortisol levels. I thought maybe my restrictive diet about 1200-1500 calories and training were too much. So I chilled.
So right now I walk 5 days per week and eat Paelo.
I am completly lost, sad and frustrated because nothing I do will get this last 35kg off. So frustrated. I hate feeling so unfit, I hate not feeling strong.
I want to meet a partner who is physically active, who I can go on physical adventures with and keep up. I want to go on island islands a kayak and a swim in the ocean with my partner and not feel self conscious. I can't do that being 35kg overweight and scared to train, scared to eat.
I want my plastic surgery and this lack of weight loss is stopping that from happening.
I know how to train PP. I know how to eat well. I don't know how to lose weight.
