Not wanting to piss on your chips here (hell, we need positivity), but has she made any moves towards not wanting you to separate in January? Just asking, as you seem to be making all the actions here whilst your W goes out/sees OM etc.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Huddy, as far as I know she still wants me to leave sometime in January - for a separation. Back in 2012 it was the same , but she changed overnight and decided to give my another chance. This time round I am a better man, and it will be harder for her.
She goes out as much as she did before BD , not more or less - on nearly every occasion she puts selfies on FB with her and her mates - afaik her mates don't know that we have an in house separation. They treat me normally when we meet. I will see them on NYE.
OM? - nothing is happening afaik. She has 3 email accounts , one is joint , one I have access to (she doesn't know) the other is her work.
Nothing has turned up on email or on the recording but the technology isn't that good. It lasts for 30 hours.
I have to believe that her mellowing towards me is genuine and she isn't setting me up. I have no evidence otherwise , but remain very wary. My EA radar is active all the time. There is no disrespect, no resentment and no rebelliousness. She is buying me Xmas presents
I have to be positive , be the man I want to be, make Xmas fabulous for the kids and show her through actions that she would be a fool to lose me.
I don't want the old R, I want R+++ with the best bits of the old R plus emotional and physical connection through mutual respect and endeavour.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Tuesday was uneventful until 9:30 pm when W took a phone all from her 'friend' . She was sitting next to me as we settled down to watch TV. I knew it was him . She said hello stranger like she hadn't spoken to him for a while, but he knew about her Father being in hospital and asked about him - he's been in hospital for one week.
Anyway I got a little pissed as W paused the TV to take his call and seemed in no rush to finish the call. I went off to make a cup of tea came back and I unpaused the TV. She huffed as she was now missing some of the TV show and finished the call saying ' got to go, I'll ring you tomorrow'
Is it an EA? f*ck knows! She thinks it's a perfectly normal friendship. Later that night he liked and commented on one of MY FB posts re: the idiocy of Donald Trump. Then the next night he is posting about how grateful he is for his partner - he worked a 13 hour day and she made his dinner and ran a bath for him. My W liked his post.
Don't know what to think but I know how it makes me FEEL! Vulnerable and jealous and angry and resentful. I did a good job of not blowing up. But I didn't sleep well.
Wednesday - another day - move on.
Not a lot happened except W usually drops S8 at his Cubs activity hut and goes for a run with another mom. The other mom couldn't go. W told me and looked a little crestfallen - she doesn't like to run alone in the dark - so I offered to run with her. She eagerly accepted and that's how we had our first activity together without the kids since BD. A 4.5 mile run. Not exactly a chance to flirt and chat but better than nothing. I have been a runner for 20 years, w has just started 2 months ago and I would love to go running with her more often.
Later W thanked me for going running with her. She was very pleased with herself as it was a long run for her. She FBed it and tagged me in the post. W is addicted to FB and getting Likes - sad but true.
Thursday am - W is up very early at 5:30 ( usually she is up at 6) and rings me in tears from her car at 7 am. Yesterday she had news that FIL had a lung biopsy - both W and I know it's probably for lung cancer. He was a mining ventilation engineer for over 20 years but has never smoked. W apperently was awake at 5 and rang me in tears at 7. She is surprised at her own emotions as for years she has resented her dad, and tolerated his ways - he's a stubborn old goat. Also early in our M there were hints that he sexually abused W , she has memories but isn't sure if they are false memories. She has buried this history - and it is not spoken about. She might have spoken to a IC about it when she had post natal depression.
W was also feeling guilty - she has a huge guilt complex. She probably won't be able to visit him until Sunday because she has a big work Christmas party on Saturday night. Guilt guilt guilt.
Of course I validated and said his diagnosis and prognosis will not change over 2 days.
Anyway I am going to a work Xmas party tonight in the home of Shakespeare. An English pub and a Thai restaurant! Then tomorrow another night out with the lads from the cycling club, beer and an Indian curry!
I am then taking the boys to London to visit Winter Wonderland and the Tower of London - we are staying overnight. W will have a lot of stewing time, fretting over FIL and her guilt.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
I hate this continual snooping stuff. It's got to stop but you need the technology to work first or switch technologies. See if the one you got works better in the house and then hide it near where you'd expect her to talk on her cell phone.
I'm also skeptical. It talks and behaves like a wayward for several years and suddenly after you log into her Facebook everything stops.
She may not be cheating right now so it'll be the conversation with her best mate that will trip her up if you catch it.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
There were some positives early in the week with W signing a note to me with a x and then eagerly accepting my offer to go running with her ( her regular female running partner couldn't run and W doesn't like running in the dark by herself)
Also W reached out to me for support re her upset and anxiety over her fathers illness.
The last 3 days I have galled and galled and galled.
A works Xmas party on Thursday - got to bed at 2am. We ended up in lap dancing bar! The girls in our party were pushing the men to go. I think they just like to see our discomfort when semi naked beautiful women ask us for a dance. I was discretion personified and turned down all requests for a 'private dance' NB it wasn't a seedy club, it was in Shakespeare's home city after all!
Friday another night out with my friends - got to bed at 1am Sat/Sun - I've taken the boys to London - we had a fab time at the Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park and today we will visit the Tower of London. I made sure I put dozens of photos on FB showing what a good time we were having!
We get back at 5pm tonight.
W expressed her anxiety about the boys being in London without her - this is the first time they have gone to London without her and London is our special city.
It is separation anxiety partly caused by the terrorist bombs in Europe. She always expresses how much she misses the boys even when she is in London overnight like on Monday night - doesn't she realise that if we separate she will see them a helluva lot less than now?
I would have invited W to London but she was already booked to go to her works Xmas Ball. I couldn't change the weekend as W was fully booked with her gal activities every weekend. Last night at the Ball she wore the dress I bought her for her bday - I asked her to send me a photo of her in the dress and she did - she looked great.
Today w is going to visit her Father in hospital - it is likely that he has lung cancer but we still don't know for sure. - he has also had a mini stroke.
So tonight is the first night in for both W and I since Wednesday, then the next busy week starts for all of us.
Last edited by isittoolate; 12/13/1509:57 AM.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
She mentioned both times how much the boys seemed to be having an awesome time with me in London and how sad that made her. She liked all the photos of the boys on FB - 25 of them and all my posts.
She has a few stock phrases : things can be 'happy making' or 'sad making'. In this case it was sad making.
She also had news from my Father, he is selling his home. I need to speak to him to eye what is happening, but it sounds like he is downsizing a little. My mother died about 7 years after a long battle with cancer. My father then started a new relationship with a widow he met as a volunteer in the hospice. More later
Last edited by isittoolate; 12/13/1501:31 PM.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Apparently used domestically in the case of the Wayward Wife......hmmm there's a thought.
Quote:
‘Eleventh, is an ill favoured old instrument, called the collar of torment, which we are told was formerly put about the necks of such women as either proved false to their husbands beds, or took too great a freedom with their tongues. But long this collar has aside been cast. Sure! They are now less noisy, and more chaste
.’
Last edited by isittoolate; 12/13/1501:42 PM.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Background: I don't think W has a PA. When we Reconcilised in 2012 we agreed to try more adventurous sex and bought some sexy lingerie and tried a vibrator during foreplay and stimulating lubes. Also once we got v v drunk and we had anal sex - I cant remember a whole lot about it except she was exceptionally turned on and very noisy - but we remembered the babysitter in the next bedroom and stopped - she would not talk about it the next day. Our dabble into sex toys/naughty lingerie died a death except for a few times when we stayed in hotels. We also talked about mild bdsm, handcuffs and blindfolds and used blindfolds a few times. But for BDSM you have to make time - without kids! its not spontaneous and we never had anal sex again.
Today I discovered W's stash of sex toys and other items.
It seems she is into BDSM and she is experimenting with anal sex toys. She has two sex books close to her bed - one about BDSM and the other about sex toys.
She has a stash that has some BDSM items and it seems unused - put away - Because it needs two people??? to tie her up
Her other stash I think is used when I am away on business or when she stays away in a hotel on business or night out with girls.
It has the naughty/sexy lingerie that we bought together plus the mild BDSM stuff and vibrators and 'new' anal stuff (there was also a receipt for an anal vibrator) and lubes and cleaning stuff. No condoms or male stuff.
Her three best GFs had discussed going to a new sex shop close to our town in the Summer and they arranged a provisional date but I thought it had fallen through! it looks like they went
Two receipts were dated June 15 and Sept 15 - this last one had more anal stuff (vibrator and lube) and was dated just one month before BD. T
My question is: Does this discovery affect our chances of R?
I know that all I can do is continue to DB.
She has mostly kept these sexual desires from me especially the anal sex. We have dabbled at BDSM and i have tried to take the lead but she kept all the stuff hidden in wardrobes - BDSM isn't exactly spontaneous.
Her main complaints with our sex life: I didnt initiate enough , and she didn't want boring routine sex in the bedroom.
Last edited by isittoolate; 12/14/1508:23 PM.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
I'm trying to get my head around what happened with these two visits to the sex shop by W.
In June it was one week after we last ML, and around the timescale the W's GFs said they were all going to visit the shop. Maybe W went with them and just put me off the trail.
She buys regular lingerie and light BDSM stuff and an experimental anal item.
Then in Sept she knows what turns her on so gets more anal stuff.
All the time she is detaching from me. My big worry? Is there OM somewhere in all if this? Has she hooked up to dating sites or BDSM sites? Or is this just fulfilling her fantasies in a safe way.? She is in control with no OM to complicate things?
I won't get much sleep tonight.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
