I am a newcomer, its been two months since my life has completely hit by a storm. I found out my husband was having an EA with a colleague of his. when I found out i was Hysterical, hurt , begged, cried and did everything the Db says not to. Fastword, I moved out of the house for two weeks, as my husband wanted some space to think. I came back and since then i have had several emotional breakdowns. My husband doesn't love me anymore- we now sleeping in different bedrooms. He knows he has hurt me so much and is kind and looking out for me. But basically as soon as i bring up the topic of commitment he says he doesn't see any hope.
Last week I had a successful 180 week - but i backslides as i went out drinking with some girlfriends , came home and was so emotionally distraught. I also found that my husband is still in contact with the OW via email. I got angry and under a lot of emotional stressed asked him that I wanted a divorce so i can move on with my life. He has told me that until we sell the house and he will divide the assets equally, he will be staying in the same house . We still make dinner together and drive to work together. He said we will separate soon and doesn't see us being together makes any sense.
Is it too late for me to start doing the 180 again. I know I had one good week and I am cursing myself for backsliding and drinking so much . what should i do. Also i don't know what the outcome will be.. I just want to move on!!!
Also I had my first divorce busting coaching over the phone.. It was great gave me some good insights. Also My husband found me reading this book.. he was very cheesed off and white i was on the train into work .. rudely yelled out .. Go eat a donut .. meaning to say you really think this is going to change his mind. I calm reacted .. smiled and said I might go eat a watermelon.. Worried and scared.. and My husband .. has already told me he wants a divorce ...
Me- 36 H 32 S - two weeks M 5 yrs in Feb 2 months sleeping in different rooms
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Why do you feel you need to answer what he is saying?
What would you like to tell him?
He wants out of the marriage and a site like "divorcebusting" is threatening to him. Their is nothing magical here, tell him you understand that he wants to get divorced and that you love him enough to let him go.
