hi all, and especially kaw, having gotten my updated goals done, i went back and re-read the thread, and needed to clarify a few things:

+ it has been 19 days since OW called me to say the A is over. in the past, my H had initiated the end but she had held on, claiming betrayal etc (though he had always maintained he would not leave me, and has done so in front of me ) anyway, i feel it is still early days, they are in some email contact due to work, but H seems to be adjusting ok.

+ during one of our soul searching chats, H confessed he was surprised at the depth of my hurt, he had no idea my feelings ran so deep. i guess i took a lot for granted, and did not give him the affirmations he needed. OW was good at this. soooo, my daily touch points during work, catching H doing good stuff and complimenting, these are expressly to plug the hole

+ yes, several times during the A, H did say that our R will survive, it will take work on both our parts, but that we have always come thru difficulties, and we will this time too. nice to have his confidence, but i wish it was not necessary for the test to be such a big one

+ i noticed over the past few days that my problem solving style is a rather rapid one, and usually i've decided on the solution before H is even aware there was a problem. he seems to be receptive to being consulted, almost needing it. so, i have to slow down here too, and seek input, which seems to make him feel more involved

+ wel, i'm note sure i have planned any 180s, but i did one yesterday by taking off shopping on my own, and it had good results, so i guess i'll watch for the opportunities.

+ we've researched hotels for our easter break together, and H will be doing the booking


thanks everyone, for your generous feedback, i really appreciate the things you are able topick up on that i'm just being blind to. hugs, slowly


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