hi dazed and everyone else, well, it certainly has been an interesting weekend. H has gone from the very happy extreme to the morose end. this afternoon, i took myself off shopping, as the company at home was depressing me had a wonderful time spending money. and it sure woke him up, he was much more civil, sociable even, when i got home. it made me think of all the times, even pre A, that i allowed myslef to be treated with less respect than i deserved. soooo, some updates to my goals:

from last week
1. Slow down, cultivate patience, expect less. This is a big one for me, as I’ve always been in a hurry, and the take charge type (just to save time). I'll know this is achieved when H has to step in and take charge more often. When I do not have disappointments because expectations (often unspoken) are unmet
 on the whole, this has been going well. i'm actually enjoying not worrying about too many things as well. so, i'm gonna tick this off as ok, with a mental note to make it part of my more relaxed lifestyle
2. Stretch and meditate everyday – this is good for my physical, mental and emotional well being absolutely on target. i manage at least 30 mins everyday, and feel GREAT
3. Enjoy the moment – H has never left me, and vows never will, has consistently maintained this to OW. So, I need to make the most of this. Need to identify what was good everyday, and journal hmmm, need more work here. obsessing about why H is moody, getting upset when driving past OW's place of work, these are all cheeseless tunnels.
4. Shower H with attention during work day – my previous silence seems to be a source of H not feeling loved this one is tracky to do without pursuing. must figure out strategy for constructive, detached but loving contact
5. Affirm feel good moments with H – this will take work. We’ve both in the past been the strong silent types, lots of words seen as a bit ‘wet’ – must change this! definitely work in progress

updated goals
1. help H treat me with more consideration and respect. this will involve asking for what I want, like not working evenings at home, more quality time together. I will know this is achieved when H proactively considers my feelings around daily habits, and changes those which are hutful
2. for my PMA (thanks dazed) - one indulgence per day, and help someone everyday. make this into a lifelong habit
3. journal everyday
4. compliment H on at least one thing a day - his PMA seems very low, and will appreciate the boost

ok, getting more modest, 4 should be plenty thanks everyone, for your wonderful feedback and loving support.I am so happy i found this place. lots of hugs, slowly


A Liberal Allowance of Time