Hi bttrfly, thank you so much for your thoughts - no you are not overstepping at all, its good to have different points of view.
As for the " ow stuff" subject, I have not mentioned it to h again since it came up. He agreed its one of the subjects we need to talk about, but more in the future. I don't even know why it came up, it was during the sparing match we had a couple of weeks ago, so much was said on both sides, I am honestly surprised he is still talking to me, angry argumentative Lou had come out to play that day ....to both our surprise ! I acknowledged I was out of order at times the next day and he replied that trying to put new versions of us together was going to be a bit trail and error but the fact we kept talking is a very positive sign. Since then we have kept things light and more fun.
By fluffy fun life, I mean he gave it to her, she didn't give it to him. He certainly had good times with her and enjoyed her company, which is how they got together in the first place. He speaks fondly of things he did with her and her kids, so its a part of his life that yes he looks back at as a failed relationship, but that it was not all bad. In time I am sure she will fade into the background to be a once in a while fleeting remembrance.
job is right, this is the challenging part and I am finding it difficult to keep a rein on not pushing him. Reality is that is that this is going to take months of patience, we are already at 7 months since he first told me he still has feelings for me and would like "us" back, its been 10 months since he started to be aware that something is not right with him. Time .....
So until then I have to try much harder to keep focus on me and my life. Not allow what is going on with him to affect my decisions too much. Things are changing, albeit slowly, he may come back different again from his visit to his family, this is being done on his time frame, I am trying to allow him to lead (even when he gets frustrated that I don't). I still have his visit at Christmas, I am looking forward to it, I haven't seen him since Oct when we met up for the first time. Still a bit concerned about him sleeping in with me, but know I have the ability to voice it if I don't feel comfortable at any time.
