S is back after a great trip. He texted his mum telling her not to come to the station. She agreed if he promised to meet her another day to tell her all about. I was able to keep out of the conversation which suits me fine. I was able to chat with S and explain that for me it isn't good to see his mum at the moment but he was free to choose the relationship he wanted with her. He understands that I'm not going to birthday and New Year's Eve and will do what he wants, probably stuff with friends. We had a great chat and are closer than ever. W hasn't really been in my thoughts. She texted asking for info about what he said but I just replied that I was washing his stuff and getting him ready for school. She must be realizing by now that she is peripheral to our lives at the moment. She has chosen a different path to us. Still trying to detach, don't know if it counts as LRT as I couldn't accept suggestions from W which are really cake eating. If or when her R with OM changes then I'll think again. Trying to be strong but hard after only two months apart.
Hi Scrant, it sounds as though you are doing well for just two months in. I would certainly stay on your current course and keep re-reading those few pages of content on LRT if you begin to question yourself.
The whole station issue worked itself out and that sounded like a healthy chat with your S. He is at an age where he can liaise direct with Mum and I think you are right to deflect any intermediary role. It is fair enough for you not to pass on stuff that he tells you and I think you can just reply - Oh I'm sure he'll update you when you next see him - or similar.
Do you see how what you are doing gives her the message that you will carry on with your lives without her? It also gives you some space and time to gather yourself without the highs and lows of time spent in her company.
Keep on going my friend....you're making progress. It does take a lot of time, so please don't expect any early movement.
Take care x
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
You are doing so well for it all being so new. Most people in your shoes are still checking their phones every hour, just in case a text came. I am really impressed with how well you handle yourself!
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Thanks for the encouragement everyone. S met W for a catchup after trip. She told him I wasn't going to her birthday ( so she did see my message!) and asked him to come. She told him she would cancel the restaurant if he wasn't going as well. I told him he could make his own decision but not to feel pressured by W or me. I explained in more detail why I couldn't behave with W as normal but she is still his mum so he can do what he wants. She asked him if he wanted to go skiing with her and sister and sister's friends ( she hates skiing so making an effort). He said no as he wants to see friends. She's asked him for February. He said he'll see. My doubt now is should I offer to go to birthday lunch to take pressure off him or just continue to keep my distance. She's keeping quiet too, we haven't spoken for more than a couple of minutes in the last few weeks. Don't know if that is good or bad. I suppose it is too early for her to miss me. She's probably annoyed that I don't want to be her best friend as we had said before the split. Of course my feelings haven't changed but still adjusting to not worrying about what she is doing etc. I know it is early days. I went for a Christmas cookery class so if anyone needs duck in Orange sauce I'm your man!
First day where I didn't want to get up. Slept fine but as I posted before just not sure if I am going the right way. Find myself questioning everything. Sorry just venting!
Hi Scrant, see - she did read the message! Never any need to double check...just keep moving forward.
I wouldn't agree to go to the B'day lunch. Remember, it is on your S and W to navigate their own R just now. Please don't feel you need to jump in and fix things.
I understand you question things. But please trust the process and recognise how early in your sitch you are. Don't be looking over your shoulder for your W to miss you. A's are incredibly addictive and things need to well and truly run their course.
In the meantime, stay on your own course. Live your own life. Move forward. Cook Duck...
You're doing fine Scrant - just keep posting and doing what you are doing.
Take care x
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I went for a Christmas cookery class so if anyone needs duck in Orange sauce I'm your man!
It's clearly wabbit season... but I can go for duck (please please please).
It wont make you feel any better, but she is checking her phone as much as you are checking yours right now. She sees your text, but she cant answer. Anything that makes her feel like she has done something wrong she will not register right now.
They know, but do not accept.
There is no need for you to go to the birthday dinner to relieve pressure. They have to work out their own R now. Support your S by letting him know he is free to choose what he wants, exactly like you have been. Let him know you will not make him choose between parents, and he can love both of you, as you both still love him.
You are doing so, so, so well.
It feels like if you ignore her she will leave you even more, but the feeling is a lie.
Post as often as you want. Work out your issues with people who all understand because we question every darn thing we do as well!
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Hi Scrant just wanted to show my support. In reading through you are doing very well. I think it is normal to question your thoughts and emotions during this cyclical process. But as mentioned by others... stay the course as you appear very strong and grounded which is amazing this early on. Continue to keep your W out of your head, and allow her and your son to negotiate their relationship... is my advice.
Keep looking ahead as you are.
M: 33 W: 30 T: 14 M: 9 S2 BD: May/2015 (w moves into spare bedroom one week later) EA / PA (discovered): June/2015 W moves out (living with OM): Sep/2015
Thanks all of you. Your comments keep me strong on this long path. Mona I've looked in your thread but don't think I can add anything helpful. You seem to be doing fantastically well, I'd send you some duck but I don't think it would travel well. Enigma thanks for looking in. I wish you well and hope you get to enjoy your son's Christmas. Sotto thanks for keeping me grounded as always.
