Z - January 6th. I'll be smart, and alert my kids to the danger I'm in this time. He will hate me for it, but I don't trust him at all. My lawyer is presently contacting his lawyer to lay it on the line. He needs to settle down, or it will cost him more than he can begin to imagine.
Julie! Thanks for stopping in. I'm happy to learn my experiences have been helpful to you. I tried, so very hard, to save this M. I'm glad I didn't succeed. I think he was playing a game all along. He was trying to appease the kids, so they wouldn't be mad at him. But his bone-deep contempt of me would have ensured it wouldn't have worked. It's just so weird...I can actually pinpoint the exact time he began to devolve - When he changed from great man to monster.
One day he will realize he was lucky to have me. A loyal, loving wife, willing to forgive all and make changes to suit him, just so he could be happy? What are the odds of him ever finding someone like that again? At his age, with his present company? Not so good. From all I've read about MLC, he's going to wind up with people who are just as broken as he is. It makes me feel badly for him. But no-one can say I didn't try. I don't want to let myself feel outright hatred, though. I'll really have to watch out for that. Hatred has no place in my future.
I finally told my sons last night just what it was their father said that caused me to act so out of character the night I freaked out. I didn't want to do it (still trying to protect him) but we had a talk, and they were so very angry with me for "ruining everything" (what H told them) and they couldn't fathom anything he could have said to make me go insane.
Their poor faces, when I finally told them the truth. They thought about it for a while, and said they wish I'd told them at the time. Now they understand. They completely forgave me.
I just wish it didn't come at the cost of them losing respect for their dad.That's for their benefit - not for his. It's ironic that I still try to keep him upheld in their eyes, considering he has no trouble trashing me to the kids. But I've always believed kids need to think their parents are heros. I've heard so many people say bad things about their exes in front of their children, and it just kills me. What did the kids do? It might make the adults feel better to trash their ex, but they might as well stab their kids in the heart when they do so. It amounts to the same thing.
Mine are all into adulthood now. But he was a great dad when they were growing up, and he still makes the effort to pretend when he's around them, rare though it is these days. I don't want to harm that relationship.
My boys were truly happy I did finally tell them the truth, though. I could almost see the grudge they were harboring towards me lift right off them. I put up with their disappointment for him, for his benefit. It helps that I'm no longer as emotional anymore, though. I think I did the right thing. I earned their respect, at least. As their mom, having them proud of me makes me so happy. If he finds out I told them, my life will be hell. I need to speak with them tonight about what happened today, and warn them to keep the knowledge to themselves. I can tell they want to rip into him. They need to understand why that won't be a good idea until I am out of his reach.
