Hi Rain, first I want to thank you for posting on my thread. I know the pain well and made so many mistakes until now, and I am not even a 100% sure I won't make them anymore. But for sure, I have been learning how to be a better person for myself and others.
First, stop about OW. It also shows as an obsession for you. Do NEVER say a word about this OW anymore. From now on, she is dead. Gone with the wind.
He is actually right when he says that you always bring OW back into the conversation. STOP. You found out what you needed to, now move away from that.
Second, like others said it here. Let go on what he needs to do, to say, to think... you are not the one the tell him what he will do next. You will change him only when you change yourself.
You want a plan, so lets start building a plan. Lets start with you. What are the things that you did good during your M and what are the things you think you could do better.
I am sure he is a liar, a cheater, a bad bad guy, but if that is so bad, why do you want this man in your life?
So, he is not all that bad, there are some qualities you see and you like and that's why he is a keeper. But the R is in a sour place right now. What is the main reason that he is looking for something out of your R?
Let's be honest, I know what I did wrong. I also know that my XWH could be better, but I got to a crucial moment to face my own demons and start changing some of the negatives on myself. Like we say here, if he is never to come back to me, at least I will be a better person, maybe in another R, who knows?
What you are feeling and going through is very normal, yet very painful too.
Start being careful about your reaction to him. DO NOT TALK ABOUT OW EVER AGAIN. Do not blow on him. If you are not sure you can engage in a conversation in a more neutral way, calm, then say that you are busy and need to get back with him later. Or if he blows on you, you can say that you won't tolerate this and he can call you once he can talk more calmly.
The way I see it, you are in a roller coaster right now. It's horrible but it is also helpful. It is a chance for you to grow stronger and wiser. So, let's start the hard work here.
Did you read Sandy's 37 rules? If not, read it and start practicing. It is not easy as it seems, it takes a lot of practice to do all those things when you are emotionally involved.
By the way, you said you are latina, is your H also latino? I am Brazilian (hot blood). We kind need to be extra careful because we are a lot of emotions.
