New guy

[mbebos]

Hello all,
I am not sure how to start this, but here goes.
I'm 34, she is 33. 3 weeks ago, she hit me with the devastating news that she had strayed from our marriage. She didn't go through with it and stopped in the middle of the act, but got far enough into it that the guy had hidden video evidence, that if I had found out it would have been hard for her to tell me otherwise. He threatened her, and she was forced to tell me before Thanksgiving instead of after the Christmas/New years holidays and my birthday which was last week. The last 3 weeks have been devastating. She went on a business trip for a little over 2 weeks and just came back. She isn't talking to anyone, not I, not her family, not her friends.

Prior to the business trip, we spent the first night together in our bed, then the next few nights she was at her parent's house, then she left for the trip. Last night she returned from the trip. I bought the Divorce Remedy book yesterday, and immediately put into action the last resort plan as it fits our scenario. I love you, but I am not in love with you was said before she left for the trip. I picked her up at the airport, had light conversation, stayed upbeat, ate dinner with her and her father, and when it was time to watch the football game, I said goodbye, we hugged and I went home.

I also tried the tactic of doing things I wouldn't normally do, like buying her grandfather a birthday gift yesterday from both of us while she was away, and she smiled and said thank you and was very grateful.

After the first week of separation, I stopped telling her how miserable I was, how I wasn't eating, sleeping, throwing up, I decided that was not a good thing to do, as she grew more distant. Aside from a good morning text here or there, I left her alone. We have been together for 15 years, married for 7, no children (our largest stress was infertility). Everyone that knows us is heartbroken as we were viewed as the couple who would grow old together, but they all say no couple in our circles has seen as many external forces working against us, including multiple deaths, financial catastrophes, house troubles, and more.

We are great friends, but forgot how to be great together. During infertility we lost the enjoyment of sex, and after that we turned into a sexless marriage, and I was being rejected at every turn. In the last year, she grew more distant and rejected me even with things like sitting together, holding hands, dancing, and canoodling on the couch.

Her bomb that she dropped on me went from I don't love you, I cheated on you, I want a divorce, you can't trust me, or love me to let's take some time, but I don't want to give you false hope, and I still love you, but I am not in love with you. Spiritually I believe that if she had made it through the holidays and followed through on her plan in January there would be no hope, but when this all blew up early it gives me hope that a call to action is possible.

Thank you for listening.