Oh. My. God. I just had one of the most upsetting experiences I've had with H since he decided it would be fun to ruin everyone else's life in pursuit of his happiness.
I am so happy Vanilla had warned me to be extremely careful. She said that for some reason, the minute you drop that rope, the abuser can somehow tell and they can become extremely dangerous. I am here to say that no truer statement has ever been made.
I felt it the minute I let go. It was Friday. I just decided H wasn't anyone I would choose. I've been worried about protecting him, trying to get along with him so he wouldn't be too mad at me, and basically acting like a wife. I finally realized he could care less about me. I still care, but I'm not worrying about him anymore.
What kind of man leaves a sick and frightened wife? What kind of man emotionally tortures her so that he gets what he wants, with no regard to her well-being? He abandoned me and his family in search of thrills and adventure. I want a man of character and integrity - not someone my children have to be ashamed of. It hit me like a ton of bricks, and I just...let go. I didn't announce it. I didn't say a word - but somehow, he knew.
He arrived here at 6 this morning. I was not happy to see him, and that offended him right off the bat. He's been trying to force me into a very unfair divorce settlement using a variety of underhanded techniques. He sent me a threatening e-mail that I replied to on Saturday and copied my lawyer, too. Basically, we're going to have to have an emergency hearing so that he is forced to treat me nicely, give me some money, and stay away from the house until the divorce is final. I was trying to be accommodating by allowing him access to his home office to work. He wants me to leave without a penny to my name! He doesn't care about my health - he just wants me gone. I want to stay here, with my cardiologist, until my heart issues are resolved.
He burst into my room again at 8am, and informed me I needed to leave today. He ranted and raved, called me some really foul names, and threatened to get me thrown back in jail. My chest started aching because my heart was hammering, so I grabbed it, and he started mocking me. I told him to leave. He told me to be gone by the time he returned, "or else".
Thanks to Vanilla's wise advice, this entire encounter was caught on tape, I've just gotten off the phone with my L. He is in for a world of hurt now. He had the craziest look in his eye. I was truly afraid. He means me harm. So now, we're off to the exciting world of Protective Orders. I stood up for myself in that e-mail and it literally made him mad with rage.
I just sent him a text. "You are not to speak to me. You cannot be civil. Email or text only. Advise me when you plan to be around. I will not be abused by you anymore. I've had it. No contact, period."
His response? Find another place to live.
My L says his behavior, along with the tapes I have, is going to cause a judge to weigh against him in a way he's not going to like. I'm actually glad about it. Kind of sick to my stomach, truly, but happy he doesn't get to abuse me like this and just go on his merry way.
I thought Vanilla was talking about worst-case abusers. I guess she was - I just happen to be married to one for the moment. I am shaking so hard right now. I'm in shock, I know. I never imagined he could be so cruel. Who is this person? For the first time, I'm looking forward to being free of him. He's lost it. Lost all control of me and is furious. Why on earth would he care? He wanted to be rid of me so he could be happy with OW(s). I guess I was supposed to stay in reserve in case it didn't work out the way he hoped. I don't know.
I found my backbone. I just hope I live through the experience.
